Practicing Happiness:"Flow"

Have you ever been so involved in something you were doing that you lost track of time?  'Felt completely in the moment?  'Felt completely connected?

This state is something called "flow".  (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)

Flow: A state of intense absorption and involvement with the present moment.  You're totally immersed in what you're doing, fully concentrating and unaware of yourself. [Or, I would argue, deeply aware.]  You are challenged, engrossed, stretching your skills and expertise.  When in flow, you feel strong and effective, at the peak of your abilities.  Alert, in control, doing the activity for the sheer sake of doing it.

(From Lyubomirsky's book: The How of Happiness)

In the '60s, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi was studying creativity and noticed that artists commonly experience this state.  He argues that a happy life has a balance between skills and challenges.

When our skills are adequate to the challenge we feel happy, effective, in control.  When our skills are inadequate, we feel anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed.

When the challenge isn't great enough, we feel bored.

I would argue, that those of us with BPD (and perhaps other mental health illnesses) end up in despair due to our lack of basic life skills in coping with daily life.  Through whatever influenced our formation, we don't seem to come to the table with the tools other people have.  We also seem to perceive the world differently, and have often come up with adaptations that, in the end, don't serve us well.  Our life skills set seem inadequate to the task of living.

At the same time, many of us have high intelligence needs, find ourselves frequently bored, and consequently, disengage.

I haven't heard anyone talk about this, but I conjecture that taking drugs or even cutting oneself, can create that feeling of flow.  Feeling connected in the moment, calm, peaceful, out of time, in control. Mistakenly perhaps, and temporary, but the feeling is still there.

Now, what is it that healthy, happy people do to achieve the same state?  And, can we emulate that?

Social Connections III

Before leaving Social Connections and happiness there are a couple of other practices Sonja Lyubomrisky puts forward in her book The How of Happiness.

Random acts of kindness and playing it forward.

These are concepts which Oprah has advocated in her programs, and I believe there was a movie made on playing it forward.

These are activities that can be practiced with strangers. Little things, like helping someone with a stroller or a small child get on the bus first.  If someone does something good for me, pass that on to someone else.

Lyubomirsky suggests that making the effort to consciously smile while walking down the street can elevate my own mood and change the faces of those I encounter.  And I have found it to be true.

What is the old adage?  "Smile and the world smiles with you..."

Praise and compliment others.  It may seem saccharine, but again, I see that it works.  As humans, it seems we need a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative, such as praise:criticism or appreciation:disapproval.

Happyists tend to focus on good times, good memories; and have a charitable explanation for bad times.

It is really important to learn how to manage conflict and learn how to negotiate.  These are skills I look forward to learning in the treatment programs I have been referred to.

And finally, communication skills.  Active listening.  Not being so quick to offer advice or try to solve things for another.

With BPD, I understand that I have misread social cues, or ignored them, to my detriment.  I look forward to becoming more aware and more skilled at navigating the social landscape in a healthier, more effective fashion.

The Psychology & Practice of Happiness

I first became aware of the Psychology of Happiness through a CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) documentary of a comedian and a researcher taking a trip through Canada to meet people who scored highly on a “happiness index” questionnaire.

The idea that there are certain attributes of happy people which could be cultivated and practiced was new to me.  That happiness was not some illusive thing on the outside that arbitrarily impacted me or that I was chasing—that I could actually do something about my own happiness on a day-to-day basis came as a surprise.  I decided to investigate further.

First, I went to the Seligman site at the University of Pennsylvania:

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/

Seligman was my first introduction to this view of things.  There are questionnaires on this site which I encourage anyone to do.  It will help give you an insight to yourself, as it helps Seligman and his colleagues continue their research on this subject.

I read Seligman’s books: Authentic Happiness and Learned Optimism.  Then I read Daniel Gilbert’s Stumbling on Happiness.  And have since seen his PBS program in full, regarding some curious aspects of us as humans and our perception of happiness.

And most recently, I have read and listened to Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book on CD, The How of Happiness (both available at the Oshawa Library).

The concepts I have learned from these sources would help everyone, I think, regardless whether one is suffering from a mental health issue or not, to improve the quality of one’s life, one’s coping skills and one’s resilience.

While it may seem “pollyanna” and almost common sense in many respects, there are many things we can do to make our lives better, happier.  As simple as many of these practices may seem, they are not always easy to do.

What I find empowering and hopeful, is that in the end: Happiness is a choice.