MBT - Relationships, cont.

Normal Relationships

Before leaving the diagrams and observation of BPD relationship modalities, I think it would be constructive to see a similar diagram of how "normal" humans conduct their relationships.

 Source: MBT Training Workshop, Bateman & Fonagy, 2009

In this diagram we see how humans without BPD, construct and live their lives.

Different emotional weights, distinction of self and others; and the ability to reasonably negotiate the various divides.

What happens in BPD, is that there is no distinction.  Others are either: Nothing that I am.  Or... All that I am.

In both scenarios, "I am the centre of the Universe" apply.

In the detached mode, I am the centre of the Universe, stay away.  I control this pain.  Which, while effective in controlling the possibility of interactions which could result in rejection, leaves one disconnected, alone and empty.

In the emotionally enmeshed mode, everything and everyone is me.  Which is an overwhelming, exhausting way to live.  For me, it resulted in numerous breakdowns and emotional pain.  The inability to complete things or last at almost anything I took on.

I can see why some researchers and therapists see narcissism and BPD as related.  In both disorders, there is an imbalance or distortion between self and others.

Mentalization Based Therapy (MBT)

Mentalization Based Therapy is an approach, developed by Anthony Bateman and Peter Fonagy, to treat BPD patients in the U.K.

Before discussing their therapy technique, I'd like to look at what they posit as the central problem for a person living with BPD, and how they feel this condition is caused.

Much of what they have to say, if I have understood correctly, rings true for me.

BPD - Central Problem - Relationships

For Bateman and Fonagy, the central problem faced by a person with BPD, is the inability to form healthy balanced relationships. 

Relationships are either detached; or overly intense and enmeshed.  At core in this relationship impairment, is the inability to define the boundary between "self" and "other".  For the person with BPD, it is all or nothing.

The first of these two modes of how we with BPD relate to others, can perhaps be demonstrated by the following diagram:

Detached Mode

This modus operandi (way of functioning in the world) which, while lacking strong human bonds and connections, tends to be more stable. 

                                                Source: MBT Training Workshop, Bateman & Fonagy, 2009

Someone with this relationship structure has no strong human bonds or connections, so life is relatively calm.  It is also flat, empty and disconnected; contributing to a sense of emptiness--that "big hole inside" so many of us describe.

The isolation, alienation, lack of feeling understood or part of the world/reality, is intense and can lead to deep depression, self-harm and suicide.

However, compared to the other mode of BPD relationship functioning (that of being emotionally enmeshed) this mode of being in the world is relatively, a relief.

This detached form of relating is where I feel I am now.

Note to the Reader

The two areas I am exploring for the next segment of this blog are:

1) Creativity and how cultivating creativity in our lives can help heal us.

2) A new (for me) form of therapy for BPD patients: Mentalization-based Therapy, developed by Anthony Bateman and Peter Fonagy of the UK.

We are having an early spring, here where I live, so I'm venturing out to the garden more--which usually curtails my blog posting for the season.

Thank you for bearing with me while I research and garden.  Thank you for following my blog.