I have many issues with organized religion, such as judging, shunning and elitism; the denigration of women; narrowness of perspective, rejection of homosexuals, etc. I recognize my need to express these issues, as they hurt and disturb me deeply. But this blog is not the forum for that. At least not at this point.
Consequently, I would like to stay on track and return to the practices of happiness as presented in Sonja Lyubomirsky's book, The How of Happiness. She takes look at spirituality which she defines as: search for the sacred, self-transcendence.
It's about finding meaning in your life and daily activities, feeling connected to something larger than yourself. This can be done alone or with others, with or without a formal approach. However, the benefits are the same as belonging to an organized religion--without the downside of having to conform or be excluded.
I've talked about the benefits of meditation and mindfulness earlier in this blog and I really feel that however one practices spirituality, it can be an important aspect of getting well and being healthy. Feeling more grateful and in awe of daily blessings, or nature; slowing down and being mindful; looking for the lessons when negative things happen--all these practices can help change the way we think about things towards a healthier interpretation and perspective, helping to improve our coping abilities.
However you do it, try to connect with meaning and purpose in your life. Meditation is one way; creative expression another. I've always thought of human creativity as sparks of the divine. One's work, paid or volunteer, can also create meaning and connection.
Find something that suits you and practice it. Baby steps towards happiness.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Soul II - Organized Religion
Advisory: today’s post is not particularly related to the subject matter of my blog.
Ultimately, I wish I could organize my blog like a flow chart by topic (vertical) instead of chronologically (horizontal). I would then link today's post to yesterday in depth.
However, this wouldn't be my blog if I left the topic of organized religion without expressing some of my issues regarding this topic--although I doubt this has anything to do with happiness, other than my own. Nor the treatment of BPD; unless somehow elements of religious extremism contribute to the development of BPD.
First, I want to acknowledge that not all religions, and not all religious people are, or believe, or even practice some of the negative aspects of the religious organizations to which they may be affiliated.
Sometimes religion is part of someone's culture, how their family organizes things, etc. And often adherents just go along with how things are without really embracing or rejecting the tenets of their "faith".
That being said, I feel it is important to point out some of the problems I have found, experienced, or observed:
1) Intolerance
It bothers me terribly that so many religions feel they have found the one truth, to which they must try to convert others as their #1 priority.
I detest proselytizing. If what you believe is so great just live it. And let me decide if I'm interested. If I see your life as better than mine, then I might inquire. The only soul you are responsible for is your own, and that is a full-time job. The only truth one needs to seek is one's own truth--which is a life-time activity.
God is a god of diversity. Look around. There is no "one size fits all truth". In my opinion, we're not doing our work if we are not trying to figure out our own truth, rather than accepting some canned formula from someone else.
2) Xenophobia - Fear of the stranger
I would suggest this is the underlying human motivation for devaluing and rejecting others on the basis of religion--to the point of persecution and death.
There is something primitive in the human psyche that wants to kill those who are not, in very basic terms, "fruit of one's loins"--and I think this is more a male gender tendency than a female one.
It is only later brain function development that can override that impulse. So it is always there lurking.
If you can attach a difference in physical appearance and dress with a belief system, and throw in a little oil (or some such disparity in the distribution of assets); you have the perfect reason to kill them off and grab what they have.
Of course, our more modern brains tell us we shouldn't do that; so we have to justify it somehow--sometimes in religious terms (or alternatively, finding phantom weapons of mass destruction). They don't have souls; or they are going to hell anyway; or they have had the opportunity to accept our "truth" and have rejected it; or it is predicted in our holy book, etc. etc.
Come on people. Open your minds. Don’t fear the stranger, learn from her or him. Sometimes other cultures have better solutions than what we’ve come up with; and often, delicious food. So curb your unfounded fear, wrap your head around diversity and acceptance.
The barbarian isn’t at the door. It is in our primitive brain stem.
...to be continued...
Ultimately, I wish I could organize my blog like a flow chart by topic (vertical) instead of chronologically (horizontal). I would then link today's post to yesterday in depth.
However, this wouldn't be my blog if I left the topic of organized religion without expressing some of my issues regarding this topic--although I doubt this has anything to do with happiness, other than my own. Nor the treatment of BPD; unless somehow elements of religious extremism contribute to the development of BPD.
First, I want to acknowledge that not all religions, and not all religious people are, or believe, or even practice some of the negative aspects of the religious organizations to which they may be affiliated.
Sometimes religion is part of someone's culture, how their family organizes things, etc. And often adherents just go along with how things are without really embracing or rejecting the tenets of their "faith".
That being said, I feel it is important to point out some of the problems I have found, experienced, or observed:
1) Intolerance
It bothers me terribly that so many religions feel they have found the one truth, to which they must try to convert others as their #1 priority.
I detest proselytizing. If what you believe is so great just live it. And let me decide if I'm interested. If I see your life as better than mine, then I might inquire. The only soul you are responsible for is your own, and that is a full-time job. The only truth one needs to seek is one's own truth--which is a life-time activity.
God is a god of diversity. Look around. There is no "one size fits all truth". In my opinion, we're not doing our work if we are not trying to figure out our own truth, rather than accepting some canned formula from someone else.
2) Xenophobia - Fear of the stranger
I would suggest this is the underlying human motivation for devaluing and rejecting others on the basis of religion--to the point of persecution and death.
There is something primitive in the human psyche that wants to kill those who are not, in very basic terms, "fruit of one's loins"--and I think this is more a male gender tendency than a female one.
It is only later brain function development that can override that impulse. So it is always there lurking.
If you can attach a difference in physical appearance and dress with a belief system, and throw in a little oil (or some such disparity in the distribution of assets); you have the perfect reason to kill them off and grab what they have.
Of course, our more modern brains tell us we shouldn't do that; so we have to justify it somehow--sometimes in religious terms (or alternatively, finding phantom weapons of mass destruction). They don't have souls; or they are going to hell anyway; or they have had the opportunity to accept our "truth" and have rejected it; or it is predicted in our holy book, etc. etc.
Come on people. Open your minds. Don’t fear the stranger, learn from her or him. Sometimes other cultures have better solutions than what we’ve come up with; and often, delicious food. So curb your unfounded fear, wrap your head around diversity and acceptance.
The barbarian isn’t at the door. It is in our primitive brain stem.
...to be continued...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Happiness: Soul - Organized Religion
One can't ignore the empirical evidence suggesting that people who are religious seem to recover more quickly from traumatic life events; whether it is losing a child, or recovering from surgery. And seem, overall, to live healthier, happier lives.
At the same time, I have serious reservations concerning organized religion, based on my own experience; as well borne out by the record of history which includes such atrocities as The Crusades, The Inquisition, and more recently, 9/11, which were all instigated by some aspect or faction of organized religion, in the name of God.
Many people try to differentiate between religion and spirituality. That is, there is spirituality in religion; but a spiritual connection can exist in the absence of religion.
Let's look first at why religion, and those who adhere to some form of a group practice seem to be happier and healthier:
1) Many religious groups prohibit extra-marital sex, encourage certain dietary practices (such as vegetarianism), prohibit smoking and drinking, etc., as part of their religious practice. Consequently, members who adhere to these practices live a lower risk life style for certain diseases.
2) Many religious groups prohibit divorce and promote a strong family life. We've already looked at the importance of family life and stability to emotional and physical health. So, if people can make it work, and adhere to these practices, there are happiness benefits.
3) Every religion of which I am aware has a common message in looking after their own (and sometimes others). So there is a community of support and caring inherent in belonging to a religious group. Additionally, there is a commonly understood system of belief and set of behavioural expectations that doesn't require explaining or communicating. That's got to be relief.
4) Organized religion, almost by definition, is a group activity. There is a sense of identity, of solidarity; often identified with a time and place (i.e. Saturday at the temple). There have been many studies done about the positive effects of group singing, chanting, dancing, marching. The psychology of groups is a powerful entity. And to belong to one, taps into that energy and power.
5) Organized religion comes with a set of practices, and explanations for most things. Not everyone is a thinker. Not everyone is curious. Many people just want to get on with life. To have a ready-made formula appeals to many people. And I'm certain it is a stress reliever for many, not to be always questioning. "Just follow the rules and you'll be okay."
[It is in fact, my suspicion that most "happyists" are not thinkers or questioning persons.]
6) And finally, the actual belief systems of religion create meaning and purpose in life and in death...and in all that comes between...and after.
At the same time, I have serious reservations concerning organized religion, based on my own experience; as well borne out by the record of history which includes such atrocities as The Crusades, The Inquisition, and more recently, 9/11, which were all instigated by some aspect or faction of organized religion, in the name of God.
Many people try to differentiate between religion and spirituality. That is, there is spirituality in religion; but a spiritual connection can exist in the absence of religion.
Let's look first at why religion, and those who adhere to some form of a group practice seem to be happier and healthier:
1) Many religious groups prohibit extra-marital sex, encourage certain dietary practices (such as vegetarianism), prohibit smoking and drinking, etc., as part of their religious practice. Consequently, members who adhere to these practices live a lower risk life style for certain diseases.
2) Many religious groups prohibit divorce and promote a strong family life. We've already looked at the importance of family life and stability to emotional and physical health. So, if people can make it work, and adhere to these practices, there are happiness benefits.
3) Every religion of which I am aware has a common message in looking after their own (and sometimes others). So there is a community of support and caring inherent in belonging to a religious group. Additionally, there is a commonly understood system of belief and set of behavioural expectations that doesn't require explaining or communicating. That's got to be relief.
4) Organized religion, almost by definition, is a group activity. There is a sense of identity, of solidarity; often identified with a time and place (i.e. Saturday at the temple). There have been many studies done about the positive effects of group singing, chanting, dancing, marching. The psychology of groups is a powerful entity. And to belong to one, taps into that energy and power.
5) Organized religion comes with a set of practices, and explanations for most things. Not everyone is a thinker. Not everyone is curious. Many people just want to get on with life. To have a ready-made formula appeals to many people. And I'm certain it is a stress reliever for many, not to be always questioning. "Just follow the rules and you'll be okay."
[It is in fact, my suspicion that most "happyists" are not thinkers or questioning persons.]
6) And finally, the actual belief systems of religion create meaning and purpose in life and in death...and in all that comes between...and after.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Happiness: Body II
Before leaving the physical practice of happiness, there are a couple of studies I found interesting.
There is a bio-feedback brain connection between facial expression and the emotions we feel.
In the two studies mentioned, simulating smiles or frowns (through artificially positioning the lips via a task) or inhibiting those facial expressions (through botox) resulted in corresponding emotional states.
So, as silly as it sounds, smile, and you will feel better. And I'm certain we've all tried the experiment of walking down the street and purposely smiling. It's amazing how people will smile back.
Perhaps you've observed how something funny can diffuse a tense situation. As part of therapy to treat depression, I was advised to create a collection of films that make me laugh. This was suggested as one of the tools to have in my belt to cope with, or ward off, negative emotions. Laughing therapy actually exists.
So on that note, for those who haven't seen it yet, enjoy:
http://en.video.sympatico.ca/index.php/en/video/entertainment/3/viral-videos/108/funny/682/baby-laughs-hysterically/806722815001
(Sorry for the long website address and any sponsors that come on. Wait for the baby, it's worth it.)
There is a bio-feedback brain connection between facial expression and the emotions we feel.
In the two studies mentioned, simulating smiles or frowns (through artificially positioning the lips via a task) or inhibiting those facial expressions (through botox) resulted in corresponding emotional states.
So, as silly as it sounds, smile, and you will feel better. And I'm certain we've all tried the experiment of walking down the street and purposely smiling. It's amazing how people will smile back.
Perhaps you've observed how something funny can diffuse a tense situation. As part of therapy to treat depression, I was advised to create a collection of films that make me laugh. This was suggested as one of the tools to have in my belt to cope with, or ward off, negative emotions. Laughing therapy actually exists.
So on that note, for those who haven't seen it yet, enjoy:
http://en.video.sympatico.ca/index.php/en/video/entertainment/3/viral-videos/108/funny/682/baby-laughs-hysterically/806722815001
(Sorry for the long website address and any sponsors that come on. Wait for the baby, it's worth it.)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Happiness: Body & Soul
We all know the benefits of exercise. Much has been written about the endorphins released in something known as "the runner's high".
In addition to the medical reasons for exercise giving us healthier bodies, more resistant to disease, sleeping better, physically feeling good; what is it about exercise that gives us a positive psychological boost?
A study published in 1999 (Blumenthal et al) indicated that exercise was more effective than anti-depressants, having lasting effects, even six months later.
It is thought that exercise may address some of the elements of happiness we have explored earlier. Elements such as:
a sense of mastery enhances self-esteem
a sense of control in one's life potential for "flow"
a distraction tool opportunity for social contact
So...let's do it. Start slow. Choose something you like, that fits with your life. They say it is ideal to do something every day; but I prefer every other day (or at least three times a week). This keeps my guilt at bay and helps temper my perfectionism. If I miss a day, that's the plan. If I do an extra day, it's bonus.
And don't give up, even if you miss a couple of weeks or even a couple of months. One year, I could only find spa time on the weekends. I figured that's still 52 times more a year than I would be doing otherwise.
When we take "me" time to do something constructive, it adds to our sense of self-worth=happiness. Exercise is an important practice to add to the tool belt of well being.
In addition to the medical reasons for exercise giving us healthier bodies, more resistant to disease, sleeping better, physically feeling good; what is it about exercise that gives us a positive psychological boost?
A study published in 1999 (Blumenthal et al) indicated that exercise was more effective than anti-depressants, having lasting effects, even six months later.
It is thought that exercise may address some of the elements of happiness we have explored earlier. Elements such as:
a sense of mastery enhances self-esteem
a sense of control in one's life potential for "flow"
a distraction tool opportunity for social contact
So...let's do it. Start slow. Choose something you like, that fits with your life. They say it is ideal to do something every day; but I prefer every other day (or at least three times a week). This keeps my guilt at bay and helps temper my perfectionism. If I miss a day, that's the plan. If I do an extra day, it's bonus.
And don't give up, even if you miss a couple of weeks or even a couple of months. One year, I could only find spa time on the weekends. I figured that's still 52 times more a year than I would be doing otherwise.
When we take "me" time to do something constructive, it adds to our sense of self-worth=happiness. Exercise is an important practice to add to the tool belt of well being.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Happiness & Goals
Before leaving the happiness that goal setting and achievement can add to our lives, Lyubmirsky has a few more points of empirical advice:
Commit with a passion. Don't quit, don't give up; be persistent.
She suggests making one's commitment public, as it encourages consistency.
Own your goals. Find ways to reward yourself and make the journey intrinsically satisfying. The pursuit of a goal is as important as achieving it.
In the famous words of Nike: Just do it. Just moving forward on something can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Someone once said: At the moment of commitment, the Universe conspires to assist us.
So, move...the road may rise to meet you.
And finally, as we've heard so often before, break your goals down into baby steps. I often think people take on far too much in recovery and sooner than later, get overwhelmed and burnt out. Learn to practice "turtle time". Learn how to spend time with yourself without constantly running. Slow and steady finishes the program.
Remember the old adage: You can eat an elephant, one bite at a time.
***
Post script: There are many excellent books at the library and in the book stores on setting goals. I'll take a look and see what I can recommend in the Resource Section of this blog.
Commit with a passion. Don't quit, don't give up; be persistent.
She suggests making one's commitment public, as it encourages consistency.
Own your goals. Find ways to reward yourself and make the journey intrinsically satisfying. The pursuit of a goal is as important as achieving it.
In the famous words of Nike: Just do it. Just moving forward on something can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Someone once said: At the moment of commitment, the Universe conspires to assist us.
So, move...the road may rise to meet you.
And finally, as we've heard so often before, break your goals down into baby steps. I often think people take on far too much in recovery and sooner than later, get overwhelmed and burnt out. Learn to practice "turtle time". Learn how to spend time with yourself without constantly running. Slow and steady finishes the program.
Remember the old adage: You can eat an elephant, one bite at a time.
***
Post script: There are many excellent books at the library and in the book stores on setting goals. I'll take a look and see what I can recommend in the Resource Section of this blog.
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