Practicing Happiness: Optimism

Optimism.  Again, it all seems so "pollyanna".  But I'm here to learn and change, so give it some consideration.

As I learned from Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness, it's often true that people who are depressed are perceiving reality; but focusing on the negative aspects more than the positive. They may also actually be seeing a negative situation which is just that: negative.  That's the reality.

A naturally happy person won't spend much time there.  They may seem to gloss it over, or even fail to register it.  They won't give it their attention.  They may seem to be wearing "rose tinted glasses" and describe something I didn't see or experience.

Now to me (as I have lived with this sort of person on more than one occasion) such a person seems unauthentic, shallow, frivolous.  Perhaps even unintelligent.  Lacking a critical faculty.

But when you think about it, unless the situation is life-threatening, what difference does it make?  If you see it as it really is, or as you wish it to be.

An exercise a therapist had me do once, was to describe something I had experienced that marked me, and made me feel sad; then, write a completely different ending--even a fantastical one.  A happy ending. 

I wrote something that could never have happened; but something, that if it had, would have made me very happy.  It was such an impossible ending, it made me laugh.  I actually shared my fantasy story with the person with whom I had experienced the original event, and she laughed as well.

Whenever I think of that event now, it doesn't hurt so much, and I also remember my fantasy story--so I have a new positive association.

Now, it may seem as though one is lying to oneself.  It may seem delusional, even.  But the truth is, that happy people seem to do this on a regular basis.  And if the outcome is to be happy or sad, why not choose happy?

But how does it work?  Why does it work?  What is the mechanism?

Happy people see negative situations as caused by elements which are impermanent, external, specific.  By contrast, a depressed person catastrophizes.  Events are seen as as being caused by factors which are permanent, pervasive, all-encompassing.  Thus the big black overwhelming dark cloud and the downward spiral.  No way out.  This always happens.  No control.

"Happyists" have a feeling of control and effectiveness now and in the future.  They believe in their goals and accomplishments.

Their belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They have greater resiliency and active coping skills.  If a person simply ignores negative things...think of how liberating that must be!  How much energy that must free up to get on with the things that really need one's attention.  Things like having fun. :)

And finally, people like to be around optimists better than pessimists, so they have better social connections and support networks--which further contributes to a state of well-being.

There's really no contest, optimists win--or at least have a much better time losing.