I've been on a life long journey, always knowing something was wrong, but not understanding what it was. Why was I so sensitive and deep? Why did things in my environment--both physical and emotional--bother me so much? Things other people didn't even notice.
So often, on so many days, the world was too much, and I wanted to die. People telling me to lighten up. Not be so serious. Grow a skin. Toughen up. I felt like a hot house flower trying to grow in an igloo. I kept trying to find a place and people who were sympatico, who had similar sensibilities. A place and a community where I could belong. I was so alone.
One of the positive aspects of finally being diagnosed, is to understand what is happening and I know I'm not alone with this problem.
The best article I've read thus far regarding the causes of BPD is by Dr. Joel Paris (I have highlighted what speaks to me):
"We are only beginning to understand the causes of BPD. As in most mental disorders, no single factor explains its development. Rather, multiple risk factors, which can be biological, psychological, or social, play a role in its etiology.
The biological factors in BPD probably consist of inborn temperamental abnormalities. Impulsivity and emotional instability are unusually intense in these patients, and these traits are known to be heritable. Similar characteristics can also be found in the close relatives of patients with BPD. Research suggests that the impulsivity that characterizes borderline personality might be associated with decreased serotonin activity in the brain.
The psychological factors in this illness vary a great deal. Some borderline patients describe highly traumatic experiences in their childhood, such as physical or sexual abuse. Others describe severe emotional neglect. Many borderline patients have parents with impulsive or depressive personality traits. However, some patients report a fairly normal childhood. Most likely, any of these scenarios is possible. Borderline pathology can arise from many different pathways.
The social factors in BPD reflect many of the problems of modern society. We live in a fragmented world, in which extended families and communities no longer provide the support they once did. In contemporary urban society, children have more difficulty meeting their needs for attachment and identity. Those who are vulnerable to BPD may have a particularly strong need for an environment providing consistent expectations and emotional security.
Most likely, BPD develops when all these risk factors are present. Children who are at risk by virtue of their temperament can still grow up perfectly normally if provided with a supportive environment. However, when the family and community cannot meet the special needs of children at risk, they may develop serious impulsivity and emotional instability. "
This article rings true to me. In another environment, my sensitivity and awareness might have been nurtured and celebrated. The difficulties I have had with environmental aspects of urban/modern life might have been accommodated or modifications made.
As it was, my poor parents were children themselves, without healthy parenting, nurturing models to emulate. As one therapist put it, I am a child of benign neglect. I couldn't get my needs met. So, as I understand it, aspects of my inherent temperament got blown out into BPD. Which of course, complicated matters--but at least now with a diagnosis, I can get treatment.
So often, on so many days, the world was too much, and I wanted to die. People telling me to lighten up. Not be so serious. Grow a skin. Toughen up. I felt like a hot house flower trying to grow in an igloo. I kept trying to find a place and people who were sympatico, who had similar sensibilities. A place and a community where I could belong. I was so alone.
One of the positive aspects of finally being diagnosed, is to understand what is happening and I know I'm not alone with this problem.
The best article I've read thus far regarding the causes of BPD is by Dr. Joel Paris (I have highlighted what speaks to me):
"We are only beginning to understand the causes of BPD. As in most mental disorders, no single factor explains its development. Rather, multiple risk factors, which can be biological, psychological, or social, play a role in its etiology.
The biological factors in BPD probably consist of inborn temperamental abnormalities. Impulsivity and emotional instability are unusually intense in these patients, and these traits are known to be heritable. Similar characteristics can also be found in the close relatives of patients with BPD. Research suggests that the impulsivity that characterizes borderline personality might be associated with decreased serotonin activity in the brain.
The psychological factors in this illness vary a great deal. Some borderline patients describe highly traumatic experiences in their childhood, such as physical or sexual abuse. Others describe severe emotional neglect. Many borderline patients have parents with impulsive or depressive personality traits. However, some patients report a fairly normal childhood. Most likely, any of these scenarios is possible. Borderline pathology can arise from many different pathways.
The social factors in BPD reflect many of the problems of modern society. We live in a fragmented world, in which extended families and communities no longer provide the support they once did. In contemporary urban society, children have more difficulty meeting their needs for attachment and identity. Those who are vulnerable to BPD may have a particularly strong need for an environment providing consistent expectations and emotional security.
Most likely, BPD develops when all these risk factors are present. Children who are at risk by virtue of their temperament can still grow up perfectly normally if provided with a supportive environment. However, when the family and community cannot meet the special needs of children at risk, they may develop serious impulsivity and emotional instability. "
This article rings true to me. In another environment, my sensitivity and awareness might have been nurtured and celebrated. The difficulties I have had with environmental aspects of urban/modern life might have been accommodated or modifications made.
As it was, my poor parents were children themselves, without healthy parenting, nurturing models to emulate. As one therapist put it, I am a child of benign neglect. I couldn't get my needs met. So, as I understand it, aspects of my inherent temperament got blown out into BPD. Which of course, complicated matters--but at least now with a diagnosis, I can get treatment.
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