Resistance to therapy and treatment

It is said BPD clients are resistant to treatment--much to the despair of anyone trying to help.

From my own experience, I can understand the BPD resistance. When we feel well, we are highly functioning. How many times have I made appointments when I am depressed and suicidal, only to cancel.  By the time the appointment comes around, I am feeling better and don't think I need help. No one wants to be sick.

It is said that BPD clients are often highly intelligent. But this too is a stumbling block--and no doubt a great frustration to others who see and relate to the sparks of intellect, while watching it go nowhere, be wasted, and the BPD client seemingly unable to utilize that intelligence to get well.

The BPD blogs I have read are diffuse with literary references, points of brilliance and insight.  Highly operating vocabularies, descriptive; some well-versed in mental health lingo and the idiosyncrasies of their particular health care system.

The truth is, this intellectualizing and superior intellect (real or imagined) can get in the way of getting help.

How many times have I sat in meetings or groups and thought: this isn't for me.  There is nothing grabbing my attention here.  This is elementary--too simplistic.  This may work for other people; but I need something more.

Or sat with a therapist and hoped they would "guess" what is wrong.  Or even in my mind, question the intelligence of the people helping me.

It is sad to admit.  Perhaps part of the problem with BPD is we can be pretty nasty and superior.  Possibly this is part of why we don't come back.  Why we don't finish programs of treatment.

We make idealized demands on ourselves and others.  Often we ourselves cannot measure up; and we are unrealistically disappointed in others. The source of much self and other, loathing and disdain.

Perfectionism and idealism, while admirable and desirable in certain contexts, can be maladaptive.  These characteristics in me, have made much of my life hell, as I destroy and throw out what doesn't measure up--myself included.