One of the first things that will happen, no matter where you go and even before being diagnosed with BPD; whether you are seeing a GP, a Nurse Practitioner, or some other health practitioner, is that you will probably be prescribed something to help with mood.
In my case, I presented as someone who was often depressed and suicidal. Self-medicating with alcohol. So, for many years, I was prescribed anti-depressants: Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc. I am currently on Effexor.
Do they help? To be truthful...I don't know.
The way I like to think about it, is that I'm stacking the cards in my favour. I want to know I'm doing everything on my end to get well. Or at least function to the best of my ability where I am now.
One thing I want to caution anyone starting out with drug therapy is that they are not "happy pills". They will not give you the immediate relief a couple glasses of wine, or whatever your drug of choice might have been, can give you. They can also take weeks or months to begin to be effective. There is no "quick fix", so we must be patient and committed in following this aspect of therapy.
However, if the medications lessen the frequency, the duration, the depth or height of the depression...then they are doing their job. Even if it is only a placebo effect, it is worth it to know I'm doing all I can to get well.
On the note of moods, emotions, feelings: I think we are supposed to be able to feel our emotions and learn from them, learn how to deal with them. Learn how to cope. I know that for most of us, how we feel is something we want to avoid, get away from--even to the point of wanting to die, so as to not feel this way anymore.
At the moment, I am early in therapy, so I don't yet have the tools I would like to have in managing my emotions. For the moment, all I know how to do is to sit with the emotion. Quit avoiding it. Breathe into it. Talk with other people about it. Even go to bed and try to sleep. Sleeping may be seen as a form of escape--but I compare it to getting drunk--and consider it an improvement.
I just need to get through now. I've lived long enough to know that the feelings will eventually pass, and I'll be better. There is an end to the pain...even if it comes again. And eventually, I will garner the tools to cope with these feelings.
Post script: Cost. To my knowledge, none of the medications used to treat BPD are covered by OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan). If you don't have a secondary health insurer (usually through one's work) it may be difficult to afford drug therapy.
I know when I was working (part-time, minimum wage) I could not afford my medication. One of the great benefits of receiving Ontario Works support (a form of welfare) is the drug card. For the first time in years I am able to acquire and faithfully take my medication.
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