In her book The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests there are two streams of coping: 1) Problem focus and 2) Emotion Focus.
With emotion focus, when faced with distress, one can distract oneself: watch a movie, play a game or exercise, until one is ready to deal with the problem. This creates some distance and perspective, and slows down reactivity.
With problem focus, one confronts the situation head-on, lists pros and cons, asks for advice, creates an action plan and then takes baby steps towards the solution.
Other things one can do are:
- reframe, reinterpret the event
- construe positive benefit, such as growth or learning
- practice acceptance
- tap into social networks for support
Both problem solving and emotional coping provide an effective dual approach to handling distress and stress.
Trauma=Transformation
It is hard to think that a deeply negative event can actually strengthen, rather than weaken, but it can, and here's why:
- we become more aware of what is important in life
- renewed belief in ourselves to be able to endure and overcome
- deepened relationships with others who support us through and after the event
- greater compassion for others in similar situations
- development of a deeper, richer belief system
Following a trauma we can choose to 1) Survive 2) Recover 3) Thrive. And it is all in how we choose to cope, through thinking and behaviour.
This is why it is so important not to permanently escape/avoid the pain through drugs, alcohol, obsessive behaviours, etc. When we learn to move through the pain and learn effective coping strategies, we can not only overcome, but excel. Strangely enough, trauma is an opportunity to do better, not worse.
With emotion focus, when faced with distress, one can distract oneself: watch a movie, play a game or exercise, until one is ready to deal with the problem. This creates some distance and perspective, and slows down reactivity.
With problem focus, one confronts the situation head-on, lists pros and cons, asks for advice, creates an action plan and then takes baby steps towards the solution.
Other things one can do are:
- reframe, reinterpret the event
- construe positive benefit, such as growth or learning
- practice acceptance
- tap into social networks for support
Both problem solving and emotional coping provide an effective dual approach to handling distress and stress.
Trauma=Transformation
It is hard to think that a deeply negative event can actually strengthen, rather than weaken, but it can, and here's why:
- we become more aware of what is important in life
- renewed belief in ourselves to be able to endure and overcome
- deepened relationships with others who support us through and after the event
- greater compassion for others in similar situations
- development of a deeper, richer belief system
Following a trauma we can choose to 1) Survive 2) Recover 3) Thrive. And it is all in how we choose to cope, through thinking and behaviour.
This is why it is so important not to permanently escape/avoid the pain through drugs, alcohol, obsessive behaviours, etc. When we learn to move through the pain and learn effective coping strategies, we can not only overcome, but excel. Strangely enough, trauma is an opportunity to do better, not worse.
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