Elements of Perfectionism - Criticism

Self and other critical

This is an area where I have been very harsh and intolerant--especially with those close to me.

First, I have been very hard on myself.  I often avoid taking things on or trying things at which I don't expect to excel.  I beat myself up over mistakes.

Secondly, I know I have been hard on others.  Holding myself to a high standard, I have unwarranted expectations of others and the world around me.

I have tried, in recent years, to understand that mistakes are lessons. To be more accepting and tolerant of others.  I have found more raw intelligence outside university than I ever found in it, and I have tried to be more open to different kinds of intelligence.

At the same time, I know my tendency is to judge and discriminate.  I wonder if this is an innate tendency we have hard-wired, to be able to chose between basic things like a good fruit and one that will make us sick?  Or if it is something we have learned from our families, society, institutions like schools and the Church?

I do know it is something I want to curb. I think it has cost me in human relationships and makes my life much more difficult than it needs to be.  If I am constantly looking for faults, in everything from the restaurant service to the way our cities are designed, I will constantly be agitated.

I am learning through the practice of meditation to accept everything just exactly as it is, myself included.  This is difficult, and contrary to much of what we have been taught and exhorted to do in the Western world.  However, I think it is necessary--to have peace within myself and with others.

Difficulty accepting criticism

When I am criticized, it always comes as a shock to me--because I always think I'm trying my best, and the other person must have misunderstood.

I do try to stay open and listen, try not to be defensive.  However, explaining oneself can sometimes be seen as defending oneself.

Being a perfectionist, I am always open to ways to improve. :)  I do take what people say seriously.  At the same time, I have often felt that criticism is either a) a misunderstanding or b) jealousy.

To be continued...