Elements of Perfectionism - Over commitment + Delegating

Looking at the handout provided by the outpatient program on the topic of perfectionism, I identify with the following:

- Over comitting oneself
- Rarely designating work to others
- Need for control
- Competitive
- Gets carried away with details
- Never seems satisfied
- Constantly busying oneself
- Self and other critical
- Has a difficult time accepting criticism
- Tends to give greater weight to negative comments than positive ones
- Checks and rechecks one's own work and the work of others
- Ruminates and beats oneself up over errors or mistakes
- Inability to forgive oneself or others

I'd like to explore each of the statements above:

Over committing myself

This has been so true in my life.  And so devastating.

Why do I do that?  As I have learned, I frequently under-estimate the amount of time it takes to do a task and overload myself, thinking I can do everything, as though I am some sort of super human. [It helped when I was an insomniac.]

I am an achiever.  Sometimes an overachiever.  I like to get up and do things. 'Gives me a lot of satisfaction.  A sense of purpose.  And sometimes, I have actually been able to keep all those balls in the air without crashing.  And of course in the workplace, such ability is rewarded.  Then they expect more bricks with less straw next time 'round.

If I could say anything about over committing, it is this:  I have not been realistic about my limits.  I have not been balanced.  I didn't build in breaks.  I didn't set boundaries with myself and others.  I didn't even understand what boundaries were until recently.

What is it inside me that causes me to want to exceed normalcy?  The drive, the desire to be consumed by an activity, a cause?  Is this a bad thing?  Can I learn to control it/channel it constructively?

Rarely designating work to others

This tendency is often seen as a control issue, as well as thinking no one can do it as well as moi.

I'd like to introduce some other explanations which are closer to my "truth".

First, concurrent with over committing, I didn't think I needed anyone else's help.  I thought I could do it all myself.  Everything.  If only I would try hard enough. To need someone else's help, for me, I would have seen that as weakness and inadequacy.  How I got those ideas I have no idea.  I'd like to blame Christianity--but I'm not sure that totally explains the phenomena.

Secondly, I have never learned how to ask.  For help.  That's a biggie.  I can ask for help for other people.  I can clearly see when other people need help; but I can't see it for myself.

Thirdly, I very much resent other people trying to delegate their work to me.  Unless there is a clear line of command which I can respect and understand, I don't like others to attempt practicing their "executive powers" with me. i.e. It's your idea.  You research and run with it.  Don't waste my time with this, and don't think I have more time than you.  And...if I do this for you, don't think I'm necessarily committed to it.  I did it because I am nice.  Now it's your job to build commitment.

[For someone who doesn't have boundaries, I seem to have clear ideas of how I think things should go.]

Consequently, when I try to delegate some of "my work" to others, I feel false.  I don't like it when others delegate their work to me, so I hesitate to do likewise.

To be continued...