Elements of Perfectionism - Details

Gets carried away with details

Clearly, some of these elements and descriptors overlap.  I have identified excessive attention to details as part of how I get over committed, why I run out of time to complete projects.  My attention to details is often seen by others as indicative of my need for control.

Yet, at other times, my attention to details has been noticed, appreciated and rewarded in the workplace.

So, when to sweat the details?  And, when not to? 

I can only speak to where I have seen myself slide into a destructive pattern in my attention to details--where I think I have become unhealthy in trying to be perfect.  Some examples:

I quit a three year program where I was getting straight A's because, due to circumstances beyond my control, I was going to get a B or a C, in a core course.  I couldn't see beyond what was to me, a failure, to be able to roll with the punches and move on towards completing my diploma.

I was devastated and gave up.  "If I can't do it perfectly, why bother?"

I broke up with a boyfriend.  And rather than realizing that is part of life,  move on; I quit my job and moved to another city.  Not that a break-up is a "detail"; but what I did it is an example of "all or nothing" thinking.  I created a catastrophe out of a normal life event.

I have made my life much harder than it needed to be.  When something turned out badly, or less than I was aiming for, I gave up.

I have, upon occasion, cleaned things so much that I wrecked them.  Trying to make things perfect, I destroyed what I was working on.

I know it bothered me terribly, when I was in university, to be given a reading list that was impossible to complete in the time allotted. I know some of this could be seen as an inability to prioritize; but for me, I really wanted to read everything.  I didn't want to skim or leave things out--especially not at a university level--which I gave more weight than I should have.

It bothers me to leave things "undone".  Or at a level less than what I aspire to achieve.

I was once challenged by a therapist to choose something and do it "good enough".  Not perfectly; but good enough.  It felt "wrong" to do that.  It bothered me to leave the task in an "imperfect" state.

Clearly, this has made my life hell, and much more difficult than it has needed to be, with a lot of "incompletes".  Often I won't take something on, unless I know I can "ace it".  And I lacerate myself if I don't.

Add to that, how critical I can be of everything and everyone, my desire for perfection has ruined relationships, and made it very hard to live my life in the world as it is.  The imperfection of so many things, including my own involvements and activities, has filled me with despair.  Will anything ever be "right"?  These feelings have contributed to my desire to die.


To be continued...