Generating Alternative Perspectives
The second component of MBT therapy is encouraging the person with BPD to generate alternative explanations for the behaviours of others.
Part of the problem with BPD is rigid thought patterns causing incorrect interpretation of events. Faulty assumptions are made. There may be a "one size fits all" interpretation of the motivations and intentions of others--usually negative.
From my own experience, I would suggest that if something negative has happened in the past, that experience gets generalized to anything that "looks like" that old experience. Then, evidence and "facts" begin to be gathered to support that old negative view. Without recourse to any objectivity or possibility of exploring alternative explanations.
For example: "She didn't say hello to me in the hall this morning. She must hate me, reject me. Just like all the others, she doesn't think I'm good enough/she thinks she's too good/I'm a bad person."...etc. etc. Due to the experience of rejection as an infant, the person with BPD tends to see rejection everywhere, even when it doesn't exist.
In MBT, the person is encouraged to think of other possible explanations of why the person didn't say hello. It is an effort to try to "hold the mind of the other, in one's own mind."
For example, the person may not have said hello because they were preoccupied with something else: they may have lost their keys that morning; their dog may have died; they may have a big meeting coming up. There are many reasons why someone may have neglected to say hello, other than hating or rejecting the person with BPD.
Additionally, why should whether someone says hello or not have such a huge profound impact on the person with BPD? I think it is because someone like me looks for validation everywhere and in every little thing. I want to "attach" so I look for attachment everywhere...much as a child might. The emotional need is primitive and primary. There is no "skin", no boundary between myself and others.
Reflections on Alternative Perspectives
This has been an important part of every therapy I've been involved in since being diagnosed, and it is helpful.
I've begun to realize that my emotional needs and demands on others, my expectations, are far too high. There are probably, more like that of an infant than an adult.
I have approached every situation, looking for a place to belong. To attach. Seeking the unconditional love that one hopes to receive from one's parents. I have "tested" people with unrealistic demands; inappropriate behaviour.
I have made incorrect assumptions and acted on them. No matter how I attempt to intellectualize or justify my take on things, I'm beginning to see the underlying pattern of a child trying get what I didn't get and need; whilst lacking the trust or belief that will ever happen.
It is a maladaptive cycle of relating to others which can only end in failure. I have the needs of a child in an adult body, in an adult world. Defeat is inevitable and repetitive.
Generating alternative perspectives has been very important in challenging limited negative patterns of interpretation and the feeling that I am "right".
At the same time, it knocks off kilter, what little structure I had created in my life, in my mind. My explanation of the way the world is.
However, part of treating this illness is to deconstruct that self and my maladaptive way of relating. To try to see my world from different points of view.
It is hard work; and I'm grateful for the trained professionals in my life who help me see the world differently. Who provide a safe environment for me to expose my internal "chat"; my negative mind frame. People who validate my pain; while also suggesting other ways to interpret events and cope from my adult mind, rather than the neediness and constant angry demands of an unnurtured child.
It is very hard to give one's self what one didn't have as a child. I believe it is only through therapy I can begin to develop the affirmation, trust, nurturing I didn't receive and haven't been able to give myself.
The second component of MBT therapy is encouraging the person with BPD to generate alternative explanations for the behaviours of others.
Part of the problem with BPD is rigid thought patterns causing incorrect interpretation of events. Faulty assumptions are made. There may be a "one size fits all" interpretation of the motivations and intentions of others--usually negative.
From my own experience, I would suggest that if something negative has happened in the past, that experience gets generalized to anything that "looks like" that old experience. Then, evidence and "facts" begin to be gathered to support that old negative view. Without recourse to any objectivity or possibility of exploring alternative explanations.
For example: "She didn't say hello to me in the hall this morning. She must hate me, reject me. Just like all the others, she doesn't think I'm good enough/she thinks she's too good/I'm a bad person."...etc. etc. Due to the experience of rejection as an infant, the person with BPD tends to see rejection everywhere, even when it doesn't exist.
In MBT, the person is encouraged to think of other possible explanations of why the person didn't say hello. It is an effort to try to "hold the mind of the other, in one's own mind."
For example, the person may not have said hello because they were preoccupied with something else: they may have lost their keys that morning; their dog may have died; they may have a big meeting coming up. There are many reasons why someone may have neglected to say hello, other than hating or rejecting the person with BPD.
Additionally, why should whether someone says hello or not have such a huge profound impact on the person with BPD? I think it is because someone like me looks for validation everywhere and in every little thing. I want to "attach" so I look for attachment everywhere...much as a child might. The emotional need is primitive and primary. There is no "skin", no boundary between myself and others.
Reflections on Alternative Perspectives
This has been an important part of every therapy I've been involved in since being diagnosed, and it is helpful.
I've begun to realize that my emotional needs and demands on others, my expectations, are far too high. There are probably, more like that of an infant than an adult.
I have approached every situation, looking for a place to belong. To attach. Seeking the unconditional love that one hopes to receive from one's parents. I have "tested" people with unrealistic demands; inappropriate behaviour.
I have made incorrect assumptions and acted on them. No matter how I attempt to intellectualize or justify my take on things, I'm beginning to see the underlying pattern of a child trying get what I didn't get and need; whilst lacking the trust or belief that will ever happen.
It is a maladaptive cycle of relating to others which can only end in failure. I have the needs of a child in an adult body, in an adult world. Defeat is inevitable and repetitive.
Generating alternative perspectives has been very important in challenging limited negative patterns of interpretation and the feeling that I am "right".
At the same time, it knocks off kilter, what little structure I had created in my life, in my mind. My explanation of the way the world is.
However, part of treating this illness is to deconstruct that self and my maladaptive way of relating. To try to see my world from different points of view.
It is hard work; and I'm grateful for the trained professionals in my life who help me see the world differently. Who provide a safe environment for me to expose my internal "chat"; my negative mind frame. People who validate my pain; while also suggesting other ways to interpret events and cope from my adult mind, rather than the neediness and constant angry demands of an unnurtured child.
It is very hard to give one's self what one didn't have as a child. I believe it is only through therapy I can begin to develop the affirmation, trust, nurturing I didn't receive and haven't been able to give myself.
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