Before leaving Social Connections and happiness there are a couple of other practices Sonja Lyubomrisky puts forward in her book The How of Happiness.
Random acts of kindness and playing it forward.
These are concepts which Oprah has advocated in her programs, and I believe there was a movie made on playing it forward.
These are activities that can be practiced with strangers. Little things, like helping someone with a stroller or a small child get on the bus first. If someone does something good for me, pass that on to someone else.
Lyubomirsky suggests that making the effort to consciously smile while walking down the street can elevate my own mood and change the faces of those I encounter. And I have found it to be true.
What is the old adage? "Smile and the world smiles with you..."
Praise and compliment others. It may seem saccharine, but again, I see that it works. As humans, it seems we need a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative, such as praise:criticism or appreciation:disapproval.
Happyists tend to focus on good times, good memories; and have a charitable explanation for bad times.
It is really important to learn how to manage conflict and learn how to negotiate. These are skills I look forward to learning in the treatment programs I have been referred to.
And finally, communication skills. Active listening. Not being so quick to offer advice or try to solve things for another.
With BPD, I understand that I have misread social cues, or ignored them, to my detriment. I look forward to becoming more aware and more skilled at navigating the social landscape in a healthier, more effective fashion.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Social Connections II
So...what to do if one is lacking social connections--as they seem to be such an important element of well-being and happiness?
Especially when one is an introvert, as I?
Well, I don't know if it counts, but I have recently joined an on-line discussion group re: Nobel literature laureates. For the past two years I have been reading through the Nobel authors, with no one with whom to discuss what I'm reading.
I stumbled across this group through a Google search the first week of January, and it has given me great joy, I must admit, to get up each morning--see what others have posted, to contribute a review, to ask a question.
These people are from all over the world, so they wouldn't/couldn't be there for me in times of crisis. It wouldn't be proper to have any sort of expectation that way. But I do think they would notice if I was gone for few days, and they seem to appreciate and value my contribution...so that makes me feel good...and somewhat connected. At least more connected than I was.
And then there is the treatment world. It is really important for me not to give up on that. To push myself to my appointments and not cancel.
I also have a mature group of dual diagnosis adults which I try to attend two to three times a week. As much energy as this takes from me, I also get a lot of good information and support in return. There are times when I have gone "underground" for a week or so when I'm not feeling well; but it is always good to return and have that caring understanding connection.
I recognize this is probably not enough; but it is a start.
Taking a break from family may be the right thing to do at certain times in one's life. But it is also very important to try to make some sort of connection to the best of one's ability, and be at peace with it.
Especially when one is an introvert, as I?
Well, I don't know if it counts, but I have recently joined an on-line discussion group re: Nobel literature laureates. For the past two years I have been reading through the Nobel authors, with no one with whom to discuss what I'm reading.
I stumbled across this group through a Google search the first week of January, and it has given me great joy, I must admit, to get up each morning--see what others have posted, to contribute a review, to ask a question.
These people are from all over the world, so they wouldn't/couldn't be there for me in times of crisis. It wouldn't be proper to have any sort of expectation that way. But I do think they would notice if I was gone for few days, and they seem to appreciate and value my contribution...so that makes me feel good...and somewhat connected. At least more connected than I was.
And then there is the treatment world. It is really important for me not to give up on that. To push myself to my appointments and not cancel.
I also have a mature group of dual diagnosis adults which I try to attend two to three times a week. As much energy as this takes from me, I also get a lot of good information and support in return. There are times when I have gone "underground" for a week or so when I'm not feeling well; but it is always good to return and have that caring understanding connection.
I recognize this is probably not enough; but it is a start.
Taking a break from family may be the right thing to do at certain times in one's life. But it is also very important to try to make some sort of connection to the best of one's ability, and be at peace with it.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Practicing Happiness: Social Connections
The importance of social connections cannot be over-emphasized. And with my introversion, my propensity to isolate, and the instability of my relationships, this is an area in which I am sorely lacking.
Research has shown that family ranks highly in the lives of happy people. Church or some defined community group, with similar understood belief systems or experiences also ranks high with happy people.
Why are social connections such an important element of happiness?
1) They provide support during times when it is needed, as well as celebration of life's milestones.
2) They provide engagement, a social context/fabric into which one is knit.
3) They provide daily rituals and a sense of continuity, stability.
4) They often improve one's view of oneself and the world.
5) They give us the opportunity to practice social skills in a safe forgiving environment. Skills such as compassion, forgiveness, conflict management, conversation and communication skills, respect, empathy, comfort, celebration, humour, acceptance of others' point-of-view (POV), activities, sharing goals and values.
But what if, for whatever reasons, one does not have a good family life or a spiritual/cultural community; what does one do?
For me, I ran from both. As initially, I found it all very toxic. Judgemental. Condemning. Rejecting. Constraining. Unaware of the outside world and other realities. Not intellectual enough, etc. etc.
There were many reasons for me to leave Church and family. But truthfully, I haven't been able to replace their necessary function in contributing to my well-being for any length of time.
I have never felt I "belonged" anywhere. I haven't found my tribe.
Research has shown that family ranks highly in the lives of happy people. Church or some defined community group, with similar understood belief systems or experiences also ranks high with happy people.
Why are social connections such an important element of happiness?
1) They provide support during times when it is needed, as well as celebration of life's milestones.
2) They provide engagement, a social context/fabric into which one is knit.
3) They provide daily rituals and a sense of continuity, stability.
4) They often improve one's view of oneself and the world.
5) They give us the opportunity to practice social skills in a safe forgiving environment. Skills such as compassion, forgiveness, conflict management, conversation and communication skills, respect, empathy, comfort, celebration, humour, acceptance of others' point-of-view (POV), activities, sharing goals and values.
But what if, for whatever reasons, one does not have a good family life or a spiritual/cultural community; what does one do?
For me, I ran from both. As initially, I found it all very toxic. Judgemental. Condemning. Rejecting. Constraining. Unaware of the outside world and other realities. Not intellectual enough, etc. etc.
There were many reasons for me to leave Church and family. But truthfully, I haven't been able to replace their necessary function in contributing to my well-being for any length of time.
I have never felt I "belonged" anywhere. I haven't found my tribe.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Practicing Happiness: Ruminating and Comparing
Obsessive rumination and comparing myself to others. Guilty.
Let me start with comparing myself to others. I think it is human to do this; but ultimately self-defeating, serving no good purpose.
It may look as though others have it easier, better; but there is really no way I can know what is going on in someone else's life. What they are going through, what they have been through. What they may have yet to come.
Suffice it to say, that if someone is here on Planet Earth (I like to call it Earth School) they are here to learn lessons and grow--otherwise they wouldn't be here. And they will have challenges at some point or another.
So comparing myself to others is useless. I need to concentrate on my own journey, my own lessons and stay focused on that.
As for excessive rumination and over-thinking...
I may think I'm getting to the bottom of something...but I'm not. And in the meantime, I'm not performing well. Ruminating interferes with concentration.
If I'm getting jolted by every pebble on the road, every negative comment someone makes, I'll never get anywhere. Happy people don't do this. They don't look for all the cracks, leaks and holes.
So stop doing this. How?
1) Become aware of my thoughts and take control of them. Distract myself with something positive. Write it out and leave it. Or talk with someone, and leave it.
If necessary, wear an elastic band around my wrist and snap it, when I find myself ruminating or comparing.
2) Take one small step towards solving the problem, if there actually is a problem.
3) Meditate. Meditation helps ground me and give me perspective. It helps me be less reactive.
4) Learn thought mastery through letting go of the small stuff. Will this matter in a year? Does this matter in the Universe? What is the lesson?
Becoming aware of my thoughts is key. Then use some of these tools--such as distraction and meditation--as practices towards feeling better. If I can stop thinking thoughts that undermine me, I will be happier.
Let me start with comparing myself to others. I think it is human to do this; but ultimately self-defeating, serving no good purpose.
It may look as though others have it easier, better; but there is really no way I can know what is going on in someone else's life. What they are going through, what they have been through. What they may have yet to come.
Suffice it to say, that if someone is here on Planet Earth (I like to call it Earth School) they are here to learn lessons and grow--otherwise they wouldn't be here. And they will have challenges at some point or another.
So comparing myself to others is useless. I need to concentrate on my own journey, my own lessons and stay focused on that.
As for excessive rumination and over-thinking...
I may think I'm getting to the bottom of something...but I'm not. And in the meantime, I'm not performing well. Ruminating interferes with concentration.
If I'm getting jolted by every pebble on the road, every negative comment someone makes, I'll never get anywhere. Happy people don't do this. They don't look for all the cracks, leaks and holes.
So stop doing this. How?
1) Become aware of my thoughts and take control of them. Distract myself with something positive. Write it out and leave it. Or talk with someone, and leave it.
If necessary, wear an elastic band around my wrist and snap it, when I find myself ruminating or comparing.
2) Take one small step towards solving the problem, if there actually is a problem.
3) Meditate. Meditation helps ground me and give me perspective. It helps me be less reactive.
4) Learn thought mastery through letting go of the small stuff. Will this matter in a year? Does this matter in the Universe? What is the lesson?
Becoming aware of my thoughts is key. Then use some of these tools--such as distraction and meditation--as practices towards feeling better. If I can stop thinking thoughts that undermine me, I will be happier.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Practicing Happiness: Optimism
Optimism. Again, it all seems so "pollyanna". But I'm here to learn and change, so give it some consideration.
As I learned from Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness, it's often true that people who are depressed are perceiving reality; but focusing on the negative aspects more than the positive. They may also actually be seeing a negative situation which is just that: negative. That's the reality.
A naturally happy person won't spend much time there. They may seem to gloss it over, or even fail to register it. They won't give it their attention. They may seem to be wearing "rose tinted glasses" and describe something I didn't see or experience.
Now to me (as I have lived with this sort of person on more than one occasion) such a person seems unauthentic, shallow, frivolous. Perhaps even unintelligent. Lacking a critical faculty.
But when you think about it, unless the situation is life-threatening, what difference does it make? If you see it as it really is, or as you wish it to be.
An exercise a therapist had me do once, was to describe something I had experienced that marked me, and made me feel sad; then, write a completely different ending--even a fantastical one. A happy ending.
I wrote something that could never have happened; but something, that if it had, would have made me very happy. It was such an impossible ending, it made me laugh. I actually shared my fantasy story with the person with whom I had experienced the original event, and she laughed as well.
Whenever I think of that event now, it doesn't hurt so much, and I also remember my fantasy story--so I have a new positive association.
Now, it may seem as though one is lying to oneself. It may seem delusional, even. But the truth is, that happy people seem to do this on a regular basis. And if the outcome is to be happy or sad, why not choose happy?
But how does it work? Why does it work? What is the mechanism?
Happy people see negative situations as caused by elements which are impermanent, external, specific. By contrast, a depressed person catastrophizes. Events are seen as as being caused by factors which are permanent, pervasive, all-encompassing. Thus the big black overwhelming dark cloud and the downward spiral. No way out. This always happens. No control.
"Happyists" have a feeling of control and effectiveness now and in the future. They believe in their goals and accomplishments.
Their belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They have greater resiliency and active coping skills. If a person simply ignores negative things...think of how liberating that must be! How much energy that must free up to get on with the things that really need one's attention. Things like having fun. :)
And finally, people like to be around optimists better than pessimists, so they have better social connections and support networks--which further contributes to a state of well-being.
There's really no contest, optimists win--or at least have a much better time losing.
As I learned from Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness, it's often true that people who are depressed are perceiving reality; but focusing on the negative aspects more than the positive. They may also actually be seeing a negative situation which is just that: negative. That's the reality.
A naturally happy person won't spend much time there. They may seem to gloss it over, or even fail to register it. They won't give it their attention. They may seem to be wearing "rose tinted glasses" and describe something I didn't see or experience.
Now to me (as I have lived with this sort of person on more than one occasion) such a person seems unauthentic, shallow, frivolous. Perhaps even unintelligent. Lacking a critical faculty.
But when you think about it, unless the situation is life-threatening, what difference does it make? If you see it as it really is, or as you wish it to be.
An exercise a therapist had me do once, was to describe something I had experienced that marked me, and made me feel sad; then, write a completely different ending--even a fantastical one. A happy ending.
I wrote something that could never have happened; but something, that if it had, would have made me very happy. It was such an impossible ending, it made me laugh. I actually shared my fantasy story with the person with whom I had experienced the original event, and she laughed as well.
Whenever I think of that event now, it doesn't hurt so much, and I also remember my fantasy story--so I have a new positive association.
Now, it may seem as though one is lying to oneself. It may seem delusional, even. But the truth is, that happy people seem to do this on a regular basis. And if the outcome is to be happy or sad, why not choose happy?
But how does it work? Why does it work? What is the mechanism?
Happy people see negative situations as caused by elements which are impermanent, external, specific. By contrast, a depressed person catastrophizes. Events are seen as as being caused by factors which are permanent, pervasive, all-encompassing. Thus the big black overwhelming dark cloud and the downward spiral. No way out. This always happens. No control.
"Happyists" have a feeling of control and effectiveness now and in the future. They believe in their goals and accomplishments.
Their belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They have greater resiliency and active coping skills. If a person simply ignores negative things...think of how liberating that must be! How much energy that must free up to get on with the things that really need one's attention. Things like having fun. :)
And finally, people like to be around optimists better than pessimists, so they have better social connections and support networks--which further contributes to a state of well-being.
There's really no contest, optimists win--or at least have a much better time losing.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Practicing Happiness: Gratitude
When I first heard about practicing gratitude, it made me think of Sunday School and saying grace.
It sounds religious, and probably is part of all religions. It also sounds simplistic and "goody two shoes".
But it works. Why?
If I take a few moments each day just to be grateful...for whatever I'm grateful for at that moment--the hot water in my bath, the taste and smell of my coffee, a safe place to be--it helps change my mood. It makes me feel good.
And here's why I think it works:
1) Being grateful makes me look a what's good and right in my life, rather than what's wrong. It helps me focus on the glass half-full rather than the alternative.
2) Being grateful makes me present, mindful.
3) Being grateful overcomes "hedonistic adaptation". We tend to habituate to things that initially made us happy. Being grateful makes us aware again of the joy, pleasure, comfort of things we take for granted.
And like most "happiness" practices, it has a snowball effect.
If there is one thing that has helped me change my attitude towards life it is gratitude.
'Doesn't mean I don't get down, depressed or anxious; but it does help move me in the direction I want to be moving.
It sounds religious, and probably is part of all religions. It also sounds simplistic and "goody two shoes".
But it works. Why?
If I take a few moments each day just to be grateful...for whatever I'm grateful for at that moment--the hot water in my bath, the taste and smell of my coffee, a safe place to be--it helps change my mood. It makes me feel good.
And here's why I think it works:
1) Being grateful makes me look a what's good and right in my life, rather than what's wrong. It helps me focus on the glass half-full rather than the alternative.
2) Being grateful makes me present, mindful.
3) Being grateful overcomes "hedonistic adaptation". We tend to habituate to things that initially made us happy. Being grateful makes us aware again of the joy, pleasure, comfort of things we take for granted.
And like most "happiness" practices, it has a snowball effect.
If there is one thing that has helped me change my attitude towards life it is gratitude.
'Doesn't mean I don't get down, depressed or anxious; but it does help move me in the direction I want to be moving.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The Psychology & Practice of Happiness
I first became aware of the Psychology of Happiness through a CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) documentary of a comedian and a researcher taking a trip through Canada to meet people who scored highly on a “happiness index” questionnaire.
The idea that there are certain attributes of happy people which could be cultivated and practiced was new to me. That happiness was not some illusive thing on the outside that arbitrarily impacted me or that I was chasing—that I could actually do something about my own happiness on a day-to-day basis came as a surprise. I decided to investigate further.
First, I went to the Seligman site at the University of Pennsylvania:
Seligman was my first introduction to this view of things. There are questionnaires on this site which I encourage anyone to do. It will help give you an insight to yourself, as it helps Seligman and his colleagues continue their research on this subject.
I read Seligman’s books: Authentic Happiness and Learned Optimism. Then I read Daniel Gilbert’s Stumbling on Happiness. And have since seen his PBS program in full, regarding some curious aspects of us as humans and our perception of happiness.
And most recently, I have read and listened to Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book on CD, The How of Happiness (both available at the Oshawa Library).
The concepts I have learned from these sources would help everyone, I think, regardless whether one is suffering from a mental health issue or not, to improve the quality of one’s life, one’s coping skills and one’s resilience.
While it may seem “pollyanna” and almost common sense in many respects, there are many things we can do to make our lives better, happier. As simple as many of these practices may seem, they are not always easy to do.
What I find empowering and hopeful, is that in the end: Happiness is a choice.
Post Script to the Reader
I haven't been posting very often of late, as I have decided not to write about anything unless I have personally experienced it or tried it. All that research and trying things takes time.
(I am also in the process of finding safe and suitable accommodation--but more on the housing issue in a later post I'm sure.)
(I am also in the process of finding safe and suitable accommodation--but more on the housing issue in a later post I'm sure.)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Resources - Durham Region
I am newly moved to the Durham Region of Ontario, a suburb of Greater Toronto. As I find resources available related to BPD or DBT therapy, as well as basic self-care, etc. I will post that information to this section of my blog.
Mindfulness
There is a good New Age section in the CD area of the Oshawa library. I am working my way through some of this in order to find a good mix of meditation and relaxation CDs.
Rogers Cable TV also has Spa and Nature channels--continuous soft music on Channels 738 and 749 respectively. I often put these on while I am stretching, or just as calming background music.
Self-Care
Dental: The Durham College Dental Hygiene Clinic at the North Simcoe campus is a wonderfully thorough place to get a check-up and your teeth cleaned, for a low one time fee of $30. (905)721-3074
You must be willing to make the time commitment though, as it may take more than one appointment to complete the work.
Hair, Esthetics, Massage, Jacuzzi, etc. 15 Simcoe Street South, the Art & Technique Academy. In addition to hair cuts at a reasonable price, they also have a fabulous esthetic section upstairs where they do nails, waxing, aromatherapy massage--and even have a hydrotherapy jacuzzi.
Thus far, I'm happy with the basic treatments I've had done. 'Would like to try the jacuzzi and massage sometime.
Hair: (905) 576-0479 Esthetics: (905) 721-7546
Dual Diagnosis
Some of us with BPD will have more than one psychological issue. In my case, it was through the route of addiction treatment that I was diagnosed, finally, with BPD.
Whatever way you can get it, I encourage anyone with a mental health problem to seek help and stick with whatever program is suggested, even if it seems at the time, not the right one for you. You have to be willing to try everything.
On that note, for Addiction I highly recommend Pinewood at 300 Centre Street South. (905) 723-8195. They treat the whole person, not just the addiction (or the appearance thereof). They will look under the symptom to see what is the cause.
Income Tax
I don't know if it is just me, or a function of the disorder, but when forms, the government, institutions, and money are involved, I get anxious.
Today I utilized a wonderful service available from the John Howard Society in downtown Oshawa. The John Howard Society is primarily known for their work related to the criminal system, so I wouldn't have thought to go there to have my income tax done.
The only proviso is that your income has to be under $25,000 per annum. You should have all your receipts, T4 slips, etc. in hand and in order before you go. If you haven't done your income tax in a while, they will do previous years as well. And finally, you will need to have your banking information for direct deposit if there is a refund.
75 Richmond Street West (905) 579-8482
(corner of Centre St. & Richmond)
Books
Borderline Personality Disorder (for Dummies) by Charles Elliot and Laura Smith. Wiley Publishing, Inc. 2009
While I recognize it is a franchise, I still don't like the title. That aside, this is the best book I've read thus far about BPD.
Treatment
Since being diagnosed, I've gone through several treatment programs, and no doubt, will go through several more as I try to piece together the tools, skills, knowledge I need to cope with life as experienced through this disorder.
Although there are treatment programs available specifically for BPD, they are few in number and not generally available. I will write only about programs I myself have tried or experienced.
Destiny Manor - Whitby, ON
This is a female only treatment facility for addictions. As risk-taking, self-harmful behaviour is often part of BPD, it is good to get treatment for the symptoms as well as the disorder itself.
I was in a resident program at this facility for 21 days.
Positive aspects:
- You have your own room
- Many life skills are addressed, in addition to addiction-specific coping tools
- I especially enjoyed the daily Creative Visualization and the small gym space available for exercise
Downside:
- I am compelled to be honest about my experience and say that as in other addiction treatment programs, it is luck of the draw whom you end up living with for 21 days.
In my experience (which also includes Jean Tweed in Toronto) when you have women who are in a program as part of their legal sentence or due to legal requirements, there often come with those participants, a very negative aggressive element which detracts from the program, causing unnecessary stress and drama/trauma.
Topics Covered:
Self-esteem Communication & Assertiveness (WIN)
Support Networks Relaxation Techniques
Aromatherapy Recreation & Leisure Planning
Nutrition Cognitive Restructuring (Self-Talk)
Stress Management Trauma & Flashbacks
Problem Solving Pain Management
Depression Goal Setting
Relapse Prevention Emotion Identification & Management
Loss & Grief Relationships & Boundaries
Anger Management Self-care
Family Roles Meditation & Creative Visualization
Drug Overview Art Therapy
I often feel I got more out of my experience at Destiny Manor since leaving, then I did while there, as I refer back to information and handouts I received during those three weeks.
So. Even if you end up with difficult people in your program; try to stick with it, because the education modules and the tools you will receive will outlast the horrid people of the moment.
Mindfulness
There is a good New Age section in the CD area of the Oshawa library. I am working my way through some of this in order to find a good mix of meditation and relaxation CDs.
Rogers Cable TV also has Spa and Nature channels--continuous soft music on Channels 738 and 749 respectively. I often put these on while I am stretching, or just as calming background music.
Self-Care
Dental: The Durham College Dental Hygiene Clinic at the North Simcoe campus is a wonderfully thorough place to get a check-up and your teeth cleaned, for a low one time fee of $30. (905)721-3074
You must be willing to make the time commitment though, as it may take more than one appointment to complete the work.
Hair, Esthetics, Massage, Jacuzzi, etc. 15 Simcoe Street South, the Art & Technique Academy. In addition to hair cuts at a reasonable price, they also have a fabulous esthetic section upstairs where they do nails, waxing, aromatherapy massage--and even have a hydrotherapy jacuzzi.
Thus far, I'm happy with the basic treatments I've had done. 'Would like to try the jacuzzi and massage sometime.
Hair: (905) 576-0479 Esthetics: (905) 721-7546
Dual Diagnosis
Some of us with BPD will have more than one psychological issue. In my case, it was through the route of addiction treatment that I was diagnosed, finally, with BPD.
Whatever way you can get it, I encourage anyone with a mental health problem to seek help and stick with whatever program is suggested, even if it seems at the time, not the right one for you. You have to be willing to try everything.
On that note, for Addiction I highly recommend Pinewood at 300 Centre Street South. (905) 723-8195. They treat the whole person, not just the addiction (or the appearance thereof). They will look under the symptom to see what is the cause.
Income Tax
I don't know if it is just me, or a function of the disorder, but when forms, the government, institutions, and money are involved, I get anxious.
Today I utilized a wonderful service available from the John Howard Society in downtown Oshawa. The John Howard Society is primarily known for their work related to the criminal system, so I wouldn't have thought to go there to have my income tax done.
The only proviso is that your income has to be under $25,000 per annum. You should have all your receipts, T4 slips, etc. in hand and in order before you go. If you haven't done your income tax in a while, they will do previous years as well. And finally, you will need to have your banking information for direct deposit if there is a refund.
75 Richmond Street West (905) 579-8482
(corner of Centre St. & Richmond)
Books
Borderline Personality Disorder (for Dummies) by Charles Elliot and Laura Smith. Wiley Publishing, Inc. 2009
While I recognize it is a franchise, I still don't like the title. That aside, this is the best book I've read thus far about BPD.
Treatment
Since being diagnosed, I've gone through several treatment programs, and no doubt, will go through several more as I try to piece together the tools, skills, knowledge I need to cope with life as experienced through this disorder.
Although there are treatment programs available specifically for BPD, they are few in number and not generally available. I will write only about programs I myself have tried or experienced.
Destiny Manor - Whitby, ON
This is a female only treatment facility for addictions. As risk-taking, self-harmful behaviour is often part of BPD, it is good to get treatment for the symptoms as well as the disorder itself.
I was in a resident program at this facility for 21 days.
Positive aspects:
- You have your own room
- Many life skills are addressed, in addition to addiction-specific coping tools
- I especially enjoyed the daily Creative Visualization and the small gym space available for exercise
Downside:
- I am compelled to be honest about my experience and say that as in other addiction treatment programs, it is luck of the draw whom you end up living with for 21 days.
In my experience (which also includes Jean Tweed in Toronto) when you have women who are in a program as part of their legal sentence or due to legal requirements, there often come with those participants, a very negative aggressive element which detracts from the program, causing unnecessary stress and drama/trauma.
Topics Covered:
Self-esteem Communication & Assertiveness (WIN)
Support Networks Relaxation Techniques
Aromatherapy Recreation & Leisure Planning
Nutrition Cognitive Restructuring (Self-Talk)
Stress Management Trauma & Flashbacks
Problem Solving Pain Management
Depression Goal Setting
Relapse Prevention Emotion Identification & Management
Loss & Grief Relationships & Boundaries
Anger Management Self-care
Family Roles Meditation & Creative Visualization
Drug Overview Art Therapy
I often feel I got more out of my experience at Destiny Manor since leaving, then I did while there, as I refer back to information and handouts I received during those three weeks.
So. Even if you end up with difficult people in your program; try to stick with it, because the education modules and the tools you will receive will outlast the horrid people of the moment.
For these and other resources check The Pages found at the bottom of the blog entry just above the "wingshot" photo.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
DBT Therapy - Mindfulness
I think I first became aware of Mindfulness through Eckhart Tolle's book, Be Here Now.
It's a lot about slowing down, savouring the moment. Being present.
In an effort to cobble together a program for myself (in lieu of being able to get in for DBT therapy) I have found the following which I can recommend:
1. Eckart Tolle's book.
2. Jon Kabat-Zinn - CD
3. Joan Borysenko - CD
I find I like directed meditations; but one can also light a candle, listen to soft music, focus on a flower in a vase...take a walk in nature, eat something fabulous slowly and mindfully...
The ways of getting "connected" are endless. The important thing is to set aside some time to actually do it. As a practice.
It's crazy how I sometimes avoid calming myself down and practicing what I know to do. But I keep trying...bringing myself back to the practice.
I am also looking for a "mindfulness" group to go to once a week, which I haven't found as yet.
As an introvert, it takes a lot of energy for me to go to groups; but I find it very helpful when I make the effort. There is something about doing "my work" together with others who are similar; yet different. 'Helps me remember I am not alone, no matter how I'm feeling.
It's a lot about slowing down, savouring the moment. Being present.
In an effort to cobble together a program for myself (in lieu of being able to get in for DBT therapy) I have found the following which I can recommend:
1. Eckart Tolle's book.
2. Jon Kabat-Zinn - CD
3. Joan Borysenko - CD
I find I like directed meditations; but one can also light a candle, listen to soft music, focus on a flower in a vase...take a walk in nature, eat something fabulous slowly and mindfully...
The ways of getting "connected" are endless. The important thing is to set aside some time to actually do it. As a practice.
It's crazy how I sometimes avoid calming myself down and practicing what I know to do. But I keep trying...bringing myself back to the practice.
I am also looking for a "mindfulness" group to go to once a week, which I haven't found as yet.
As an introvert, it takes a lot of energy for me to go to groups; but I find it very helpful when I make the effort. There is something about doing "my work" together with others who are similar; yet different. 'Helps me remember I am not alone, no matter how I'm feeling.
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