"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." Charles Darwin
I haven't posted for a few days as I have been reading through a couple of books to see what I can learn about resilience and adaptability.
One of the books is Growing up Resilient: Ways to build resilience in children and youth, by Tatyana Baranking and Nazilla Khanou for the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH). Dr. Baranking is a psychiatrist and Dr. Khanou is an associate professor at the University of Toronto.
Clearly, for whatever reasons, I did not learn resiliency as a child. Is there anything I can give myself now, as an adult, that I am missing from my childhood formation?
The other book is AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn't Ask for, by M.J. Ryan, author of several self-help books and coach for Professional Thinking Partners, a group of professionals who counsel individuals and corporations in becoming "Change Masters".
So what have I discovered that can help? Interestingly, there is an overlap between the elements of happiness, and strategies for coping with perfectionism.
I'll start with the book re: raising resilient children. Resilience is recognized as an important element of mental health. The authors take a look at "risk and protective factors" at the individual, family, and community level.
Resilient children have a strong sense of self; are able to relate and communicate with their peers; have a strong attachment to at least one adult; and have a sense of self and place in their community. They are positive and hopeful. The doctors have found this to be true of children even with the added challenge of mental illness.
Individual Protective Factors
In this section, I will write about the factors that speak to me, that I can give myself now, as an adult.
Temperament
Often temperament is thought of as a "given". How we are genetically wired or the imprint we received at an early age from others. Something fairly unchangeable. But I believe temperament can at least be modified, through knowledge, understanding, and various practices.
In their research with over 700 families, the doctors have found that an easy-going, relaxed, sociable temperament is best suited for coping with life. What I would call a "B type" personality.
All my life I have been hyper, reactive and intense inside; while trying desperately to control and hide those feelings. Paddling madly up river, trying to move forward and control. Demanding a lot of myself and others.
As I have discussed in earlier postings, it is possible to change this response to life. It is possible to learn how to go with the flow more, how to accept. How to self soothe and calm myself. "Don't push the river."
Acceptance has been a huge problem for me. It is important to remember that acceptance doesn't mean surrender or giving up. It just means accepting things in this moment just as they are.
Much of learning how to accept for me, has come from Eastern philosophies. Being still with myself. Meditation. Relaxation--whether through massage, a hot bath, listening to soft music, or a walk in nature; I need to practice ways of calming myself, turning down or off, the volume inside.
I think it would behoove anyone suffering from mental illness to learn how to slow down. Turtle time. How to clear the plate or at least remove a few things. Control the amount of stimulation and the consequent reactivity by turning down the volume in our lives. Turn off the telephone for awhile. Don't watch the news. Become aware of the things that agitate you, and the things that calm you. Seek balance.
Something that helps with the genetic aspect of my temperament is the medication I take. These medications won't totally stop the internal activity; but they will help in certain aspects, such as reducing anxiety and enhancing positivity by making more serotonin available to my brain.
From my understanding and experience with medication, the pills don't totally take away the emotions or reactions--they aren't magic pills. But they can help enhance my efforts at changing my thinking, my way of being. They help me in modifying myself in a healthier direction.
I haven't posted for a few days as I have been reading through a couple of books to see what I can learn about resilience and adaptability.
One of the books is Growing up Resilient: Ways to build resilience in children and youth, by Tatyana Baranking and Nazilla Khanou for the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH). Dr. Baranking is a psychiatrist and Dr. Khanou is an associate professor at the University of Toronto.
Clearly, for whatever reasons, I did not learn resiliency as a child. Is there anything I can give myself now, as an adult, that I am missing from my childhood formation?
The other book is AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn't Ask for, by M.J. Ryan, author of several self-help books and coach for Professional Thinking Partners, a group of professionals who counsel individuals and corporations in becoming "Change Masters".
So what have I discovered that can help? Interestingly, there is an overlap between the elements of happiness, and strategies for coping with perfectionism.
I'll start with the book re: raising resilient children. Resilience is recognized as an important element of mental health. The authors take a look at "risk and protective factors" at the individual, family, and community level.
Resilient children have a strong sense of self; are able to relate and communicate with their peers; have a strong attachment to at least one adult; and have a sense of self and place in their community. They are positive and hopeful. The doctors have found this to be true of children even with the added challenge of mental illness.
Individual Protective Factors
In this section, I will write about the factors that speak to me, that I can give myself now, as an adult.
Temperament
Often temperament is thought of as a "given". How we are genetically wired or the imprint we received at an early age from others. Something fairly unchangeable. But I believe temperament can at least be modified, through knowledge, understanding, and various practices.
In their research with over 700 families, the doctors have found that an easy-going, relaxed, sociable temperament is best suited for coping with life. What I would call a "B type" personality.
All my life I have been hyper, reactive and intense inside; while trying desperately to control and hide those feelings. Paddling madly up river, trying to move forward and control. Demanding a lot of myself and others.
As I have discussed in earlier postings, it is possible to change this response to life. It is possible to learn how to go with the flow more, how to accept. How to self soothe and calm myself. "Don't push the river."
Acceptance has been a huge problem for me. It is important to remember that acceptance doesn't mean surrender or giving up. It just means accepting things in this moment just as they are.
Much of learning how to accept for me, has come from Eastern philosophies. Being still with myself. Meditation. Relaxation--whether through massage, a hot bath, listening to soft music, or a walk in nature; I need to practice ways of calming myself, turning down or off, the volume inside.
I think it would behoove anyone suffering from mental illness to learn how to slow down. Turtle time. How to clear the plate or at least remove a few things. Control the amount of stimulation and the consequent reactivity by turning down the volume in our lives. Turn off the telephone for awhile. Don't watch the news. Become aware of the things that agitate you, and the things that calm you. Seek balance.
Something that helps with the genetic aspect of my temperament is the medication I take. These medications won't totally stop the internal activity; but they will help in certain aspects, such as reducing anxiety and enhancing positivity by making more serotonin available to my brain.
From my understanding and experience with medication, the pills don't totally take away the emotions or reactions--they aren't magic pills. But they can help enhance my efforts at changing my thinking, my way of being. They help me in modifying myself in a healthier direction.
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