While referring to suggestions in How to be Happy Without Being Perfect, I'd like to summarize the techniques I feel work for me.
Acceptance
"to accept the things I cannot change"
I think acceptance is huge for a perfectionist. Our entire lives are based on not accepting the way things are. Of striving for something better. Something perfect. We are devoted to being perfect. Wanting things to be perfect. It is an unrealistic, dysfunctional task.
Yes, we can change ourselves, and part of this, is learning how to let things just be as they are, in the moment.
Thus far, the best method I have found to begin practicing acceptance, is meditation. There are many forms of, approaches to, and practices of meditation; but the type I have found works best for me is Guided Meditation.
I have auto tapes of words already running in my head, so listening to someone talk me through what I am supposed to be doing fits better for me than trying to clear my mind completely--at least in this stage of my meditation work.
I recommend: Adyashanti, True Meditation, the art of just letting everything be as it is in this moment. The practice of not trying to control or do anything; accepting that everything is as it should be, for just 30 minutes, is my baby step in learning how to let go of my constant vigilance for perfection.
Change/Action + Wisdom
"...to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Change can only occur when we identify what is wrong. As has been said:
"Name it; claim it; change it."
This is where the wisdom comes in as well. I identify one of the elements of wisdom as insight. Self-awareness.
If we can't see our patterns of behavior, or if we are too attached to, too identified with them to let them go; then we won't be able to change. And we will continue to blame others and rationalize our dysfunction.
When I started this section on perfectionism, I felt that being a perfectionist was a good thing. I was on the side of defending perfectionism.
The more I read the research, the more I realize the detrimental part my perfectionism has played in my life, from childhood to the present.
I'm beginning to suspect that perfectionism is behind my desire to die and "start over". That perfectionism is the underlying cause of much of the sadness and hopelessness that takes me over from time to time.
I got frozen in a childhood coping mechanism that isn't working for me. To suggest that perfectionism is an immature, unreasonable approach to life would leave most perfectionists aghast; as we often feel we are the only responsible conscientious ones. We watch ourselves slave and be stressed; while others relax, enjoy life, let things go.
But I'm beginning to see where the desire for order, cleanliness, organization, to do well, to make things better, can slide into an obsession with detrimental side effects and little pay off.
An emotionally mature person would have distance, give things their proper weight and perspective. Be able to roll with the punches and get back up. Carry on.
So how do we pull back from the edge of perfectionist obsession abyss?
To be continued...
Acceptance
"to accept the things I cannot change"
I think acceptance is huge for a perfectionist. Our entire lives are based on not accepting the way things are. Of striving for something better. Something perfect. We are devoted to being perfect. Wanting things to be perfect. It is an unrealistic, dysfunctional task.
Yes, we can change ourselves, and part of this, is learning how to let things just be as they are, in the moment.
Thus far, the best method I have found to begin practicing acceptance, is meditation. There are many forms of, approaches to, and practices of meditation; but the type I have found works best for me is Guided Meditation.
I have auto tapes of words already running in my head, so listening to someone talk me through what I am supposed to be doing fits better for me than trying to clear my mind completely--at least in this stage of my meditation work.
I recommend: Adyashanti, True Meditation, the art of just letting everything be as it is in this moment. The practice of not trying to control or do anything; accepting that everything is as it should be, for just 30 minutes, is my baby step in learning how to let go of my constant vigilance for perfection.
Change/Action + Wisdom
"...to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Change can only occur when we identify what is wrong. As has been said:
"Name it; claim it; change it."
This is where the wisdom comes in as well. I identify one of the elements of wisdom as insight. Self-awareness.
If we can't see our patterns of behavior, or if we are too attached to, too identified with them to let them go; then we won't be able to change. And we will continue to blame others and rationalize our dysfunction.
When I started this section on perfectionism, I felt that being a perfectionist was a good thing. I was on the side of defending perfectionism.
The more I read the research, the more I realize the detrimental part my perfectionism has played in my life, from childhood to the present.
I'm beginning to suspect that perfectionism is behind my desire to die and "start over". That perfectionism is the underlying cause of much of the sadness and hopelessness that takes me over from time to time.
I got frozen in a childhood coping mechanism that isn't working for me. To suggest that perfectionism is an immature, unreasonable approach to life would leave most perfectionists aghast; as we often feel we are the only responsible conscientious ones. We watch ourselves slave and be stressed; while others relax, enjoy life, let things go.
But I'm beginning to see where the desire for order, cleanliness, organization, to do well, to make things better, can slide into an obsession with detrimental side effects and little pay off.
An emotionally mature person would have distance, give things their proper weight and perspective. Be able to roll with the punches and get back up. Carry on.
So how do we pull back from the edge of perfectionist obsession abyss?
To be continued...
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