Perfectionism. What is it exactly, and why do we have it?
I think part of it is genetic, as well as environmental. If one grows up with a perfectionist, one may be more likely to be a perfectionist. But I have also seen children who rebel against whatever it is they grew up with as well, and not become perfectionists. Or impose perfectionism on themselves, because their situation at home was far from perfect.
Whatever it is that causes it, perfectionism is a deception. Because in our world, nothing will ever be perfect all the time. I think there are perfect moments but they don't last, and that's life.
To hold oneself to being perfect in everything, causes untold stress. For me, it led to suicide and self-destruction. It is an unhealthy, unrealistic way to be. And it is pretty much self-imposed. We do this to ourselves--in our minds. In how we think about things.
For me, it is a compulsion. I speculate that I am overcompensating or trying to "fix" things. And by now, it has become a habit, a way of life--which can be destructive.
It is easy for me to feel "less than", to sense rejection where none actually exists. Perhaps I imagine that if I do things perfectly, no one will have reason to reject me.
And what about rejection? It happens to everyone--often for no apparent reason. So why haven't I learned how to accept: An imperfect world? That not everyone is going to embrace me? How and why haven't I learned to let those things go and roll with the punches? Not become so devastated?
For the coming entries in this blog, I am going to be exploring Alice Domar's book: Be happy without being perfect, to see what she has to say.
(Co-authored with Alice Kelly.)
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