In my unscientifically unsubstantiated observation, women suffer more from perfectionism than do men.
I have noticed, that if men are perfectionists, it tends to be relegated to their paid work. For example, a computer graphic artist will massage an image pixel by pixel until he gets what he wants; but he may be a slob in almost every other aspect of his life. Or, a machinist will produce proto-types far exceeding the engineers' tolerance specs; but you will find bags of half eaten chips and dirty dishes under his bed and he won't put away his clothes.
Whereas, if a woman is a perfectionist, she is usually a perfectionist in everything, from the home front, to her appearance, to her paid work, to the care she takes in writing notes to friends.
Naturally, we can lay this at the feet of historical gender roles in place for millenniums. Traditionally, women weren't permitted significant roles outside the home; so they have applied all that brain power to perfecting household chores and decor to a level far exceeding that required for basic hygiene and comfort.
Whereas men, who traditionally haven't had to give much thought to home front cleanliness, focused on what their job has been: bringing in the cash--being providers. Their focus on paid work has not only been for the worthy objective of providing for their families; but also to create and maintain their status in the pecking order of the male world. Often a kind of posturing.
They have had hundreds of years longer to develop a sense of priority attached to their job and a greater sense of boundaries. i.e. one man won't do another guy's job. It would be diminishing his place in the order of things--perhaps even taking bread out of his mouth.
For less than a hundred years, we are in what I would call "transition generations" where women are in the workplace; but also, still trying to keep up with the high pitch of home front obligations. As at home, they tend to pick up workload in the workplace, when they sense something needs to be done that others aren't doing. Often, women don't have the same sense of boundaries between what is strictly their job, and another's job. They take on too much. They try to be helpful.
In my observation, the women who succeed and survive well, have figured out something closer to the male priority scheme of things. Or, they have kept on being perfectionists, and have probably sacrificed something along the way--like having a home life, or their sanity.
So, ladies, time to tone down the perfectionism--I don't think it is working well at home or at work. And how to do that? Define priorities and delegate.
Defining priorities. Again, this requires standing back and deciding what is important; and what is not so important. Applying our rational minds in areas where we have permitted an irrational approach to flourish. Unload your plate.
Delegating. When it comes to the home front, we have to learn how to delegate and not have all the housework weighing on ourselves. Everyone dirties dishes and clothes. Everyone needs to know to take care of those basic chores. And having delegated, leave it alone. Try not to criticize. You can demonstrate how you'd like it done; but re-doing everything someone else does defeats the purpose.
Be willing to live with a job someone else has done that is lower than your standards. As long as it is functional--learn to let it go. Others will not become good at their chores if you don't let them have the opportunity of repetition. Understand that others may not see the need of cleaning the grout between the tiles with a brush; or ironing the sheets. Learn to let some of these things go--or do a once a year spring cleaning where you bring things up to speed--but stop obsessing about it between times.
Neurotic perfectionism is a maladjustment to life. The key to pulling back from the perfectionist abyss is to get some sort of distance, perspective. We need to apply rational thought where irrational compulsive reactive thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors have reigned.
I have noticed, that if men are perfectionists, it tends to be relegated to their paid work. For example, a computer graphic artist will massage an image pixel by pixel until he gets what he wants; but he may be a slob in almost every other aspect of his life. Or, a machinist will produce proto-types far exceeding the engineers' tolerance specs; but you will find bags of half eaten chips and dirty dishes under his bed and he won't put away his clothes.
Whereas, if a woman is a perfectionist, she is usually a perfectionist in everything, from the home front, to her appearance, to her paid work, to the care she takes in writing notes to friends.
Naturally, we can lay this at the feet of historical gender roles in place for millenniums. Traditionally, women weren't permitted significant roles outside the home; so they have applied all that brain power to perfecting household chores and decor to a level far exceeding that required for basic hygiene and comfort.
Whereas men, who traditionally haven't had to give much thought to home front cleanliness, focused on what their job has been: bringing in the cash--being providers. Their focus on paid work has not only been for the worthy objective of providing for their families; but also to create and maintain their status in the pecking order of the male world. Often a kind of posturing.
They have had hundreds of years longer to develop a sense of priority attached to their job and a greater sense of boundaries. i.e. one man won't do another guy's job. It would be diminishing his place in the order of things--perhaps even taking bread out of his mouth.
For less than a hundred years, we are in what I would call "transition generations" where women are in the workplace; but also, still trying to keep up with the high pitch of home front obligations. As at home, they tend to pick up workload in the workplace, when they sense something needs to be done that others aren't doing. Often, women don't have the same sense of boundaries between what is strictly their job, and another's job. They take on too much. They try to be helpful.
In my observation, the women who succeed and survive well, have figured out something closer to the male priority scheme of things. Or, they have kept on being perfectionists, and have probably sacrificed something along the way--like having a home life, or their sanity.
So, ladies, time to tone down the perfectionism--I don't think it is working well at home or at work. And how to do that? Define priorities and delegate.
Defining priorities. Again, this requires standing back and deciding what is important; and what is not so important. Applying our rational minds in areas where we have permitted an irrational approach to flourish. Unload your plate.
Delegating. When it comes to the home front, we have to learn how to delegate and not have all the housework weighing on ourselves. Everyone dirties dishes and clothes. Everyone needs to know to take care of those basic chores. And having delegated, leave it alone. Try not to criticize. You can demonstrate how you'd like it done; but re-doing everything someone else does defeats the purpose.
Be willing to live with a job someone else has done that is lower than your standards. As long as it is functional--learn to let it go. Others will not become good at their chores if you don't let them have the opportunity of repetition. Understand that others may not see the need of cleaning the grout between the tiles with a brush; or ironing the sheets. Learn to let some of these things go--or do a once a year spring cleaning where you bring things up to speed--but stop obsessing about it between times.
Neurotic perfectionism is a maladjustment to life. The key to pulling back from the perfectionist abyss is to get some sort of distance, perspective. We need to apply rational thought where irrational compulsive reactive thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors have reigned.
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