Some of the advice given in Domar's book (Be happy without being perfect) consits of advice given to nearly all forms of mental illness patients.
Get control of your thoughts
Easier said than done; but I think we can all learn to recognize when we are ruminating, catastrophizing, indulging in black and white thinking, focusing on the negative, judging, excessively critical, not giving things their proper weight.
We know when we are taking things too personally; when we are beginning to obsess.
So how do we stop doing that?
Here are some of the suggested tools:
Mindfullness
However you can do it, step back and gain perspective. Whether this is through meditation, distracting yourself with something else and then coming back to the problem, even sharing with a counselor or a group--will help change the course of our rote thoughts and introduce thoughts closer to reality.
We are all rational people; but with irrational thoughts. Catching ourselves in
act of irrational old mind tapes can be done; and our course of thinking changed.
Self-care
When we become obessed with things, we frequently neglect ourselves. Self-care is part of stepping back and taking stock, to make certain we are doing things that are comforting and soothing for us; as well as stacking the cards in our favour physically.
I consider remembering to take my medications as prescribed a form of self-care. I get tired of people telling me I don't eat properly; but I know I can take supplements which I understand are good for the brain: things like the Omega 3s and Vitamin B complexes.
Doing your best to get rest is more important than I ever imagined. I can't imagine how hyper I must have been when I was an insomniac. No wonder things appeared so overwhelming and out of perspective.
Exercise. Whether it is sitting in the jacuzzi or lifting weights. Yoga. Going for a half hour walk. Do something good for your body.
We all need a strategy for when we get agitated and anxious. A "shot in the locker" so to speak. We need ways of calming ourselves, that involve as many of the senses as possible. Whether this is listening to soft music, going for a massage, getting hair cut/coifed, a hot bath with lavendar--we all need to discover what works for us--that doesn't involve old self-harm tactics.
Problem-solving
There are numerous books written about problem solving strategies; but most of the basic tools involving writing things down. Sometimes when it is in black and white in front of me, the realities vs the irrationalities of what has been rumbling around in my head will pop out.
Whether one uses a white board, a large pad of paper, a computer--whatever works to lay it out, try:
Journaling; listing pros and cons; making bubble charts; cloud diagarams--be creative. Try to have fun with it. Use colours.
Objectifying may help make it less personal.
Get a hobby
Going from my own experience, perfectionists are pretty intense people. They seldom do something just for fun or to relax. And certainly not anything they might not be good at.
Perhaps a tactic of achieving balance and practice with "failing" is to take up something just for fun. Gardening, painting, photography, wood-working, dance lessons, walking dogs, kayaking or sailing...the list of possibilities is endless. It can be as private or as public as you want to make it.
Get control of your thoughts
Easier said than done; but I think we can all learn to recognize when we are ruminating, catastrophizing, indulging in black and white thinking, focusing on the negative, judging, excessively critical, not giving things their proper weight.
We know when we are taking things too personally; when we are beginning to obsess.
So how do we stop doing that?
Here are some of the suggested tools:
Mindfullness
However you can do it, step back and gain perspective. Whether this is through meditation, distracting yourself with something else and then coming back to the problem, even sharing with a counselor or a group--will help change the course of our rote thoughts and introduce thoughts closer to reality.
We are all rational people; but with irrational thoughts. Catching ourselves in
act of irrational old mind tapes can be done; and our course of thinking changed.
Self-care
When we become obessed with things, we frequently neglect ourselves. Self-care is part of stepping back and taking stock, to make certain we are doing things that are comforting and soothing for us; as well as stacking the cards in our favour physically.
I consider remembering to take my medications as prescribed a form of self-care. I get tired of people telling me I don't eat properly; but I know I can take supplements which I understand are good for the brain: things like the Omega 3s and Vitamin B complexes.
Doing your best to get rest is more important than I ever imagined. I can't imagine how hyper I must have been when I was an insomniac. No wonder things appeared so overwhelming and out of perspective.
Exercise. Whether it is sitting in the jacuzzi or lifting weights. Yoga. Going for a half hour walk. Do something good for your body.
We all need a strategy for when we get agitated and anxious. A "shot in the locker" so to speak. We need ways of calming ourselves, that involve as many of the senses as possible. Whether this is listening to soft music, going for a massage, getting hair cut/coifed, a hot bath with lavendar--we all need to discover what works for us--that doesn't involve old self-harm tactics.
Problem-solving
There are numerous books written about problem solving strategies; but most of the basic tools involving writing things down. Sometimes when it is in black and white in front of me, the realities vs the irrationalities of what has been rumbling around in my head will pop out.
Whether one uses a white board, a large pad of paper, a computer--whatever works to lay it out, try:
Journaling; listing pros and cons; making bubble charts; cloud diagarams--be creative. Try to have fun with it. Use colours.
Objectifying may help make it less personal.
Get a hobby
Going from my own experience, perfectionists are pretty intense people. They seldom do something just for fun or to relax. And certainly not anything they might not be good at.
Perhaps a tactic of achieving balance and practice with "failing" is to take up something just for fun. Gardening, painting, photography, wood-working, dance lessons, walking dogs, kayaking or sailing...the list of possibilities is endless. It can be as private or as public as you want to make it.
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