In first year Psychology, we learned about "loci of control". That is, how some people perceive control of their lives as being external to themselves, and how others perceive control of their lives as inner generated.
I immediately identified with this, thinking my parents were external locus people (i.e. people who perceived things "happening to them"; that God, the government, their bosses--someone else was in control of their lives); and that I was an internal locus person (i.e. I believed I was in control of my life and what happened to me. That I could make things happen.)
Now. We know that life is a combination of both, and this is where the Serenity Prayer comes in--having the wisdom to know when to accept things and when to make changes. Having more than one gear with which to respond to life.
There is also a quote I like about being young:
"We believed we could do anything, only because we had done nothing yet."
Back to perfectionism. It is noted that those who exhibit the first type of perfectionism (self-oriented perfectionism) have an inner drive to be perfect themselves--a motivation that doesn't come primarily, from exterior expectations, from the outside.
Flett and Hewitt have found that self-oriented perfectionism may have an adaptive component due to the intrinsic motivation and persistence involved in rising to one's own standards. In other words, there is a sense of mastery involved in trying to be perfect for oneself. And, as we know from the section on the Psychology of Happiness, a sense of mastery and having some control over one's life is a component of happiness and well-being.
Other researchers (Dweck & Leggett) have found that those with a mastery orientation tend to persist when they are confronted with a challenging situation or problem. They continue to engage in problem-solving and cope with problems in a task-focused manner until a solution has been reached.
The downside, though, for us who are inner-motivated in our quest for perfection, is that we attach too much personal value and identification with the outcome of our efforts, and are devastated when we fail. Or even if we get less than what we were striving for (eg. A "C" when one was striving for an "A").
Additionally, we tend to indulge in high levels of self-criticism and lack of self acceptance, which can result in a negative view of oneself and low self-esteem.
To conclude, if you are going to be a perfectionist to any degree, it is best to be inner motivated than outer motivated in terms of your emotional health.
It is almost always good to try to do one's best; but try to have some "Buddha detachment" about the outcome. Don't take it personally. Don't beat yourself up over it. Mistakes are lessons--not a death penalty.
Which leads me to my next topic of inquiry: resilience and adaptability.
How can we pick ourselves up and keep going, not give up, when things don't turn out?
I immediately identified with this, thinking my parents were external locus people (i.e. people who perceived things "happening to them"; that God, the government, their bosses--someone else was in control of their lives); and that I was an internal locus person (i.e. I believed I was in control of my life and what happened to me. That I could make things happen.)
Now. We know that life is a combination of both, and this is where the Serenity Prayer comes in--having the wisdom to know when to accept things and when to make changes. Having more than one gear with which to respond to life.
There is also a quote I like about being young:
"We believed we could do anything, only because we had done nothing yet."
Back to perfectionism. It is noted that those who exhibit the first type of perfectionism (self-oriented perfectionism) have an inner drive to be perfect themselves--a motivation that doesn't come primarily, from exterior expectations, from the outside.
Flett and Hewitt have found that self-oriented perfectionism may have an adaptive component due to the intrinsic motivation and persistence involved in rising to one's own standards. In other words, there is a sense of mastery involved in trying to be perfect for oneself. And, as we know from the section on the Psychology of Happiness, a sense of mastery and having some control over one's life is a component of happiness and well-being.
Other researchers (Dweck & Leggett) have found that those with a mastery orientation tend to persist when they are confronted with a challenging situation or problem. They continue to engage in problem-solving and cope with problems in a task-focused manner until a solution has been reached.
The downside, though, for us who are inner-motivated in our quest for perfection, is that we attach too much personal value and identification with the outcome of our efforts, and are devastated when we fail. Or even if we get less than what we were striving for (eg. A "C" when one was striving for an "A").
Additionally, we tend to indulge in high levels of self-criticism and lack of self acceptance, which can result in a negative view of oneself and low self-esteem.
To conclude, if you are going to be a perfectionist to any degree, it is best to be inner motivated than outer motivated in terms of your emotional health.
It is almost always good to try to do one's best; but try to have some "Buddha detachment" about the outcome. Don't take it personally. Don't beat yourself up over it. Mistakes are lessons--not a death penalty.
Which leads me to my next topic of inquiry: resilience and adaptability.
How can we pick ourselves up and keep going, not give up, when things don't turn out?
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