According to Flett and Hewitt, perfectionism as a personality trait, shows up at an early age in children.
As mentioned previously, I think it is genetic, as well as modelled by our parents.
I also think what kicks it into high gear is the need for love, approval, attention, and reward. So while there may be an inherent need or striving to be better, to make things better in everyone; when we enter society, we are judged and evaluated by externals, at school, by the Church and by people in general, as children; by our work, when we are older. We are judged by the results we are able to create.
If we didn't receive unconditional love from our parents, all our sense of self-worth is going to come from externals. Thus the "set-up" for a disproportionate, heavy weight placed on becoming perfect.
Another element which I think is contributory, is the need for control. Needing some control is a good human thing--it is one of the elements of happiness. However, I think in perfectionism it becomes excessive and neurotic.
Often as children, we have the perspective that the world revolves around us. Consequently, we take responsibility on ourselves for what is happening in our environments. If things are bad, if there is a divorce, if there is fighting, scarcity, we look for ways to fix things, or we blame ourselves.
I think the propensity for perfectionism can come from a childhood desire to "make things right". Perhaps perfectionists are still operating from the childhood perspective that the world revolves around us and that we can affect/effect things more than someone who is emotionally mature.
Perhaps we got stuck in childhood "fixing" for all our lives?
I've known the Serenity Prayer since I was nine years old. It has never meant so much to me, as in the past few months:
"...to accept the things I cannot change; to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Perhaps this can be a starting point of transformation.
To be continued...
As mentioned previously, I think it is genetic, as well as modelled by our parents.
I also think what kicks it into high gear is the need for love, approval, attention, and reward. So while there may be an inherent need or striving to be better, to make things better in everyone; when we enter society, we are judged and evaluated by externals, at school, by the Church and by people in general, as children; by our work, when we are older. We are judged by the results we are able to create.
If we didn't receive unconditional love from our parents, all our sense of self-worth is going to come from externals. Thus the "set-up" for a disproportionate, heavy weight placed on becoming perfect.
Another element which I think is contributory, is the need for control. Needing some control is a good human thing--it is one of the elements of happiness. However, I think in perfectionism it becomes excessive and neurotic.
Often as children, we have the perspective that the world revolves around us. Consequently, we take responsibility on ourselves for what is happening in our environments. If things are bad, if there is a divorce, if there is fighting, scarcity, we look for ways to fix things, or we blame ourselves.
I think the propensity for perfectionism can come from a childhood desire to "make things right". Perhaps perfectionists are still operating from the childhood perspective that the world revolves around us and that we can affect/effect things more than someone who is emotionally mature.
Perhaps we got stuck in childhood "fixing" for all our lives?
I've known the Serenity Prayer since I was nine years old. It has never meant so much to me, as in the past few months:
"...to accept the things I cannot change; to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Perhaps this can be a starting point of transformation.
To be continued...
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